Q: I am an unmarried male close to my thirties. My urges have become very extreme and sometimes out of control. My parents are not agreeing on getting me married. I am now very worried due to the fear that I might fall into the sinful act of zina due to my extreme urges. My question is that is it ok in Islam if I kill my sex drive permanently or become impotent by my own wish in order to avoid adultery?
A: It is forbidden in shariah for a male to get himself castrated or to become impotent through surgery. This is a serious crime and regarded as haraam in Islam. If you have the pressing urge to get married and you fear falling into sin, then getting married is compulsory upon you provided you have the means to get married. Hence, in this matter you do not require the permission of your parents. If you have the means to get married, then you should get married. Consult the elders of your family and ask them to find you a pious and suitable spouse.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
عن ابن عباس أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال لا صرورة في الإسلام (المعجم الكبير، الرقم: 11595)
جاز (خصاء البهائم) حتى الهرة وأما خصاء الآدمي فحرام (الدر المختار 6/388)
(والخصي والمجبوب والمخنث كالفحل) لقوله تعالى قل للمؤمنين يغضوا من أبصارهم وهم ذكور مؤمنون فيدخلون تحت هذا الخطاب وغيره من النصوص العامة وقالت عائشة رضي الله عنها الخصاء مثلة فلا يبيح ما كان حراما قبله وهذا لأن الخصي ذكر يشتهي ويجامع وقيل هو أشد جماعا لأن آلته لا تفتر فصار كالفحل وكذا المجبوب لأنه يشتهي ويسحق وينزل وحكمه كأحكام الرجال في كل شيء وقطع تلك الآلة كقطع عضو آخر منه فلا يبيح شيئا كان حراما (تبيين الحقائق 6/20)
Mufti Zakaria Makada
Checked & Approved:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)
Just as excessive eating is harmful both physically and spiritually, so too is excessive sexual appetite. Excessive indulgence in even halaal (lawful) food and acts is highly detrimental. Both the body and soul suffer.
Some husbands, thinking that since their wives are lawful for them, excessive sexual demands are fully justified. This is a grave misconception. Besides the harms it causes the physical health and to the Rooh (Soul), it also is an infringement of the rights of the wife in that the harm is extended to her as well. While it harms the husband. it can severely damage the physical health of the woman even quicker.
Islam advocates moderation in everything. In fact, for the purpose of moral development and spiritual progress, the Auliyaa have formulated the principle of Qillat-e-Ta’am (Reduction in food). This principle is based on the Ahadith of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam). After the nafs has been tamed and thoroughly made subservient to the Aql (Intelligence) by the process of weakening it with a denial of its excessive demands for food and sex, the point of equilibrium or moderation in disposition is acquired. When food intake is reduced, the nafs is weakened. Its sexual demands too are then curbed and brought under control and submitted to the directive of the Aql.
Excessive sex ruins the spiritual lustre of the soul. It strengthens the evil nafs since a corroded spiritual heart will not be able to restrain the inordinate desires of bestiality. Husbands should, therefore, not make inordinate sexual demands on their wives simply because they are lawful for them. It is waajib on the husband to consider the health and sickness, the moods and tiredness of his wife. Sexual gratification regardless of the condition of the wife is cruel and highly unbecoming of a Mu’min. For his and her physical and spiritual health and well-being it is imperative for the husband to act abstemiously. Hadhrat Hakimul Ummat Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (rahmatullah alayh) recommended that sexual relations should take place once a month. While this is not an obligatory Shar’i mas’alah, it is within the confines of the Shar’i teaching of moderation and Zuhd (abstemiousness).
If someone simply finds it too difficult to adhere to the recommendation of Hadhrat Thanvi, he may increase on it. But excess is extremely harmful.
Among the adverse and harmful effects of excessive indulgence in
General deterioration in the health of the body.
Weakening of the brain leading to senility.
Weakening of sexual prowess resulting in impotency earlier than expected.
Bloating of the nafs leading to an inordinate increase in nafsaani demands.
Effacement of the lustre of Imaan.
Accumulation of spiritual corrosion on the Baatin (spiritual heart).
These harmful effects cause physical and spiritual lethargy to a very large degree. The ruin to the wife’s health is a separate factor. It is therefore important and necessary for the man to show restraint, understanding and to refrain from behaving like an animal guided by only its bestial instincts. Allah Ta’ala says that He has created man the noblest of His creatures. A husband sometimes will cite the Hadith of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) to justify his inordinate sexual demands on his wife. The Hadith in this regard is as follows: Nabi (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, causing him to sleep in anger, the Malaa-ikah (Angels) curse her until the morning.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
Undoubtedly, the curses of the Angels descend on the disobedient wife. The entire night she sleeps while Angelic curses rain on her in profusion. The dire warning appearing in this Hadith is for such wives who refuse the demands of their husbands for no valid reason. They may be annoyed with their husbands, the husbands may have scolded them, the husbands may have treated them unfairly, etc., and the wives react vindictively to spite. The la’nat of the Malaa-ikah showers down on such disobedient and ungrateful women who will be the majority of the inmates of Jahannum. However, if a woman has a valid cause for refusing, e.g. she suffers from severe infection, or some other illness or she is in the state of haidh or nifaas, then the husband may not make unjustified demands on her.
When the wife refuses the call of her husband for no valid reason, then undoubtedly, she is guilty of zulm. But, if she has a valid Shar’i reason for refusing, the husband will be guilty of zulm for his insistence.