How can my marriage be infused with love?

Q: How can my marriage be infused with love?

A: The Holy Qur’aan has offered a beautiful reply in just one Divine Word: RAHM.

Says Allah: “And he has created RAHM and LOVE between you”.

From the above, we learn that the quality of RAHM (Mercy) leads to Love.

RAHM means to have Mercy.
If the husband has mercy upon his wife, she will love him. Mercy means to display kindness, compassion and tolerance. When the wife is unwell, mercy demands that the husband serves her. Mercy demands that when the wife is upset, the husband consoles her. Mercy demands that when the wife is under stress, the husband assist her. Mercy demands that when the wife is unhappy, the husband cheers her up. Mercy demands that when the wife feels threatened by her in-laws, the husband protects her. Mercy demands when the wife is unreasonable, the husband exercises patience. Mercy demands that when the wife requires things, the husband open heartedly spends on her. Mercy demands that when the wife transgressors the Shariah, the husband kindly informs her. Mercy demands that when the wife makes gheebat, the husband warns her. Mercy demands that when the children are troublesome, the husband assists her. Mercy demands that when the wife pleases her husband, the husband compliments her. How much rights don’t husbands demand nowadays – how little Mercy don’t they have.

As for the wife, mercy demands that when the husband arrives tired from work, that she does not scream to the children: “There’s your father. Now go to him.” Mercy demands that when the husband is worried, the wife consoles him. Mercy demands that when the husband does not earn well, the wife does not place a single demand on him. “You and my children are my wealth – what more could I need”, a wife having RAHM would sing. Mercy demands that when the husband errs, the wife will keep his respect in mind and not degrade him in front of his children. She would rather bring his shortcomings calmly to his notice in privacy with Hikmat. Mercy demands that the wife pleases her husband by displaying utmost respect to his parents. Mercy demands that a wife takes pride in her husbands accomplishments. Mercy demands that a wife reminds her husband to earn and eat only Halaal. Mercy demands that she reminds her husband of Allah’s Commands. Mercy demands that she protects her chastity. Her body, her voice, even her clothing – all are meant only for him. Mercy demands that a wife be careful of committing “shirk” in sharing her thoughts of her husband with another man. Mercy demands that she brings him closer to Jannah even though he be kicking and screaming.

This here then is the RAHM which is the foundation of a marriage on earth and made in heaven!

This here is a marriage which pleases Allah and His Rasul Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam. This here is why a Muslim gets married.

The Garment of Marriage​

From a kurta to an abaaya, and a pair of pants to a shirt – almost all items of clothing are made in the same way – by joining different pieces of fabric together.

The process, in essence, is as follows:

First, different pieces of cloth are gathered. Then, they are trimmed and cut to size and shape. Finally, they are all joined together with thread and further strengthened through a process commonly known as ‘over locking’.

Now, believe it or not, marriage is exactly the same as sewing a garment. Two different people come together for the purpose of nikaah. In order to ‘fit’ one another and form a prosperous marriage, both have to ‘trim’ and ‘reshape’ themselves, by making adjustments to their ways, and certain sacrifices, for the sake of their partner, as far as their preferences, likes and dislikes are concerned. Finally, they are connected and joined by the thread of love.

However, just like with any garment that is worn on a regular basis, a marriage will also be subjected to certain periods of stress which will place a strain on the seams holding the marriage together. It is in these periods that the significance of the over locking becomes apparent. If the over locking was done well, the seams will not tear apart and begin to fray. On the contrary, if the over locking is found lacking in any regard, it will split and leave the garment in tatters.

In a marriage though, it is no over locking that keeps the seams together – it is OVERLOOKING. If the husband and wife are not prepared to forgive and overlook each other’s mistakes, the strain may become too great for even the thread of love to bear, resulting in a torn, tattered and frayed marriage.

Once a garment is torn, it cannot always be patched and repaired, as sometimes, the damage is so great that the entire marriage lies in shreds. Even in the case where it can be repaired, it often leaves the garment marred and unsightly, with its former beauty forever lost.

When the seas get stormy and the ship is unsteady, many people opt to abandon ship. However, on jumping overboard, most of them fail to land in a lifeboat and are left to drown. Hence, once you are out at sea, even an unsteady ship is better than no ship at all! When jumping off the ship is not an option, then we will have to make the best of the ship that we have – and this will only be possible if we have the heart to overlook.

Remember, if we overlook the mistakes of others, perhaps Allah Ta‘ala will overlook our many mistakes on the Day of Qiyaamah.

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The Lover submits & obeys the Beloved

In a famous poem, Imam Shafi رحمه الله says:

You express the love of Allāh
And yet You disobey Him
This is very strange indeed
If your love for Allāh was true then you would have obeyed him
For indeed the one who loves, obeys the beloved
اِنَّ الْمُحِبَّ لِمَنْ يُّحِبُّ مُطِيْعٌ
Verily, the lover submits to his beloved
(Fazaile amaal)