Etiquettes of Speech

30 Quranic Verses and Hadith on The Etiquettes of Speech

1. “And when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with ‘Salamaa’ (peaceful words of gentleness).” (Qur’an, 25:63)

2. “If they pass by some vain speech or play, they pass by it with dignity.” (Qur’an, 25:72)

3. “And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys… But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book.” (Qur’an, 31:19-20)

4. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “He who gave up disputing while he is right, a palace of high rank in Paradise will be built for him. He who gave up disputing while he is a fabricator, a palace in the center of Paradise will be built for him.” (al-Tirmidhi who declared it as hasan)

5. “There are no people who went astray after having been guided except for indulging in disputation.” (al-Tirmidhi)

6. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ repeated three times, “Those who search deeply for confusing questions have perished.” (Muslim)

7. “Do not dispute with your brother, ridicule him, nor promise him and then break your promise.” (al-Tirmidhi)

8. Bilal ibn Sa’d radiAllahu `anhu (ra) said, “If you see a disputing, arrogant, and bigoted person, bear in mind that they are utterly lost.”

9. Luqman `alayhi assalam (as) said to his son, “O son! Do not dispute with the knowledgeable lest they detest you.”

10. `Umar (ra) said, “Do not learn knowledge for three things and do not leave it for three things. Do not learn it to dispute over it, to show off with it, or to boast about it. Do not leave seeking it out of shyness, dislike for it, or contending with ignorance in its stead.”

11. It was narrated that Abu Hanifa said to Dawud al-Taa’i, “Why do you prefer seclusion?” Dawud replied, “To struggle against myself to leave disputing.” Abu Hanifah said, “Attend meetings, listen to what is said, and remain silent.” Dawud said, “I have done so, but I have found nothing heavier than this.”

12. `A’ishah (ra) narrated that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, “The most hated person with Allah is the most quarrelsome person.” (al-Bukhari)

13. Ibn Qutaybah said that his disputant said to him, “What is the matter with you?” He replied to him, “I will not dispute with you.” The disputant then said, “Thus you have come to know that I am right.” Ibn Qutaybah responded, “No, but I respect myself more than that.” At this the disputant retracted and said, “And I will not claim a thing that is not my right.”

14. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The one initiating abuse incurs the sin of abusing as long as the other did not return it.” (Muslim)

15. “The believer does not curse.” (al-Tirmidhi who declared it hasan)

16. “The believer does not defame, abuse, disparage, nor vilify.” (al-Tirmidhi, sahih)

17. “Do not invoke Allah’s curse, His anger, or Hellfire.” (al-Tirmidhi who declared it hasan sahih)

18. “Men accustomed to cursing will not be intercessors or witnesses on the Day of Resurrection.” (Muslim)

19. Abdullah ibn ‘Amr (ra) narrated, “I asked the Messenger of Allah ﷺ about what saves me from Allah’s wrath, and he said, “Do not become angry.” (al-Tabarani and Ibn Abdul Barr) Ibn `Umar, Ibn Mas’ud, and Abu Darda’ (ra) relate similar conversations on their own behalf.

20. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “He who is victorious over his passion at the time of anger is the strongest among you. He who forgives having the power to release (his anger and take revenge) is the most patient among you.” (a-Baihaqi in Shu’ab al-Imaan)

21. Abu Hurairah (ra) narrated, “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, ‘The strong person is not he who has physical strength but the person is strong if he can control his anger.” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)

22. `Umar ibn Abdul Aziz wrote to one of his governors and said, “Do not punish at the time of anger. If you are angry with any man, keep him in detention. When your anger is appeased punish him in proportion to his crime.”

23. ‘Ali ibn Zaid mentioned, “A man of the Quraysh spoke harshly to the Caliph `Umar Ibn ‘Abdul ‘Aziz who remained silent for a long time and then said, “You wish that the devil rouses in me the pride of the Caliphate and I treat you so rudely that you can take revenge tomorrow (in the Afterlife) on me.”

24. Ibn ‘Abbas (ra) narrated, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “And when you get angry, keep silent.” (Ahmad, Ibn Abi Dunya, al-Tabarani, and al-Bayhaqi)

25. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Anger is a burning coal. It burns in the heart.” (al-Tirmidhi and al-Bayhaqi)

26. “When anyone of you gets angry, let him perform ablution because anger arises from fire.” (Abu Dawud)

27. “Nobody swallows a more bitter pill than that of anger—seeking the satisfaction of Allah.” (Ibn Majah)

28. `Umar (ra) said, “He who fears Allah cannot give an outlet to his anger (by sinning). He who fears Allah cannot do what he likes.”

29. A nomad said to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ “Advise me.” And he ﷺ said, “If a man defamed you with what he knows about you, do not defame him with what you know about him. For the sin is against him.” The nomad said, “I never abused any person after that.”

30. Al-Hasan (ra) said, “He that did not safeguard his tongue did not understand his religion.”

Written by Kashif Hussain

Cleaning Your Inner-self – Gentle Speech 1

Harshness of the Tongue

(influenced by the Inner-self filth)

Our inner-self filth can very often lead our tongue to commit numerous sins. One sin repeatedly committed by our tongue is that of the harshness in our speech as well as in our tone. At times when we are talking to a person, we blurt out some foul words in an equally repugnant tone, without realising how much we are hurting that person.

To attain piety and also to create a positive impression upon the people we are communicating to, we should always keep that harshness away from the language we speak and from the tone we use.

Speaking Gently 1

When we talk to people we should always speak gently.

Speaking gently involves using gentle words and a gentle tone. It is better by far to rule by love than fear! Let no harsh words ruin the good that we may do or the good that we may carry in our heart.

Let the words that come from our mouth be like gems, pearls or diamonds and not like spears, arrows or bullets.

Aisha (radhiAllahu ‘anha) reported: Nabi Sallallahu ‘alaihi Wasallam said: “If Allah Almighty intends good for a household, he lets gentleness enter their home.” (Source: Musnad Aḥmad 23906).

There are many around us who deserve our gentle word, so we should speak gently to them. It will not cost us anything. On the contrary, if we speak gently to them we can gain a lot in this world as well as in the next.

In short, the gentleness in our speech can become the means of reflecting the goodness of our nature and our personality.

Speaking style of Nabi Muhammad (Sallallahu ‘alaihi Wasallam)

Nabi Muhammad (Sallallahu ‘alaihi Wasallam) always spoke distinctly, clearly and in a way that everyone could understand. The listeners could count his words one by one. When it was necessary, he would repeat the important sentences three times during his speech.

When Allah’s Messenger (Sallallahu ‘alaihi Wasallam) talked, he always acted like a humble brother, a compassionate teacher and a merciful father towards his Companions; and when he wanted to teach them some of the rules of etiquette, he addressed them with a soft style. He used different speaking styles when he addressed them: a playful style, a heartfelt style, gratifying, promising and encouraging styles, metaphorical, stimulating and thought-provoking styles, etc. He never spoke in an offending, despising, insulting or excessive style.

When he spoke to a person, he gave him full attention and showed love to the worst person of the nation so that the person may feel special. He generously distributed his cheerfulness and good character to every person and fulfilled the rights of each one of them equally. He exercised patience even when he was asked harsh and indecent questions. He spoke kindly without being harsh towards anyone. He was also cautious not to embarrass anyone.

Allah loves kindness and gentleness in all matters, so we should manifest these qualities even when we face abuse and cruelty. On one occasion, Rasulullah (Sallallahu ‘alaihi Wasallam) was insulted and cursed by his enemies but he did not return their curses. Rather, he showed patience and forbearance and encouraged his companions to be kind.

Aisha (RadhiAllahu ‘anha) reported: A group of Jews asked permission to visit Nabi Muhammad (Sallallahu ‘alaihi Wasallam) and when they were admitted they said, “Death be upon you.” I said to them, “Rather death and the curse of Allah be upon you!” Nabi (Sallallahu ‘alaihi Wasallam) said: “O Aisha, Allah is kind and He loves kindness in all matters.” [Sahih Bukhari].

A wise and astute person is the one who always uses gentle language when speaking to people from all walks of life, including his arch enemies. We have no use of unpleasant and spiteful words and a harsh tone so we should get rid of all these vices from our nature.

May Allah grant us the understanding of how to use our tongue in the right manner…aameen.

…and Allah Ta’ala knows best.

By: M. B. Ahmed

Do You Want Good For Others?

Allāh’s Messenger (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said, “None of you [truly] believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”[1]

In another narration it is reported that he said, “By the One in whose hand is my soul, a servant does not [truly] believe until he loves for his brother – or his neighbour – what he loves for himself.”[2]

And another still as, “By the One in whose hand is my soul, a servant does not [truly] believe until he loves for his brother the good that he loves for himself.”[3]

A fourth narration states, “None of you [truly] believe until he loves for other people what he loves for himself, and until he loves a person only for the sake of Allāh.”[4]

There are two more authentic narrations of this ḥadīth which shed additional light on its meaning:

1) “A person will not attain the reality of faith until he loves for his brother the good that he loves for himself.”[5]

2) “A believer will not be a [true] believer until he loves for the believers what he loves for himself.”[6]

Allāh’s Messenger (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) asked Yazīd b. Asad, “Do you want Paradise?” He replied, ‘Yes.’ He (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said, “Then love for your brother what you love for yourself.”[7]

Muʿādh once asked Allāh’s Messenger (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) about the best qualities of faith and he (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) replied, “That you love and hate for Allāh’s sake, you keep your tongue busy with the remembrance of Allāh, and that you love for people what you love for yourself, and hate for them what you hate for yourself.”[8]

Allāh’s Messenger (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) enjoined the great Companion, Abū Hurayrah (raḍiy Allāhu ʿanhu), “Avoid the proscribed and you will become the most devout of people. Be content with what Allāh has apportioned for you and you will become the richest of people. Be good to your neighbour and you will become a [true] believer. Love for people what you love for yourself and you will become a [true] Muslim. And do not laugh too much because excessive laughter kills the heart.’[9]

Allāh’s Messenger (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said, “The Muslim has six duties of righteousness towards another Muslim:

1. greeting him with the salām when meeting him,

2. responding to his invitation,

3. responding to his sneeze,

4. visiting him when ill,

5. following his funeral after his death, and

6. loving for him what he loves for himself.”[10]

Points of Benefit

The aforementioned aḥādīth show that a person will not perfect his faith until he loves the good that he loves for himself for his brother. This has been declared as attaining the pinnacle or reality of faith as can be seen in the narration of Ibn Ḥibbān.

ʿĪsā b. Maryam said. ‘The faith of a person is not complete until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.’[11]

The believer should also want good for everyone as proven by the narration of Aḥmad. This quality is one of the obligatory qualities of faith.[12] “Good”, here, refers to all things that are obligatory, recommended and permissible.[13]

Part and parcel of faith is also to hate for a person’s brother the evil that he hates for himself. This has not been explicitly mentioned in the title ḥadīth since it is implied: loving something means to hate its opposite.[14] It is explicitly mentioned, however, in the ḥadīth of Muʿādh which was previously mentioned.

A person should deal with others as he himself would want to be dealt with. Allāh’s Messenger (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said, “Whoever wants to be delivered from the Fire and enter Paradise must die while believing in Allāh and the Last Day, and he must deal with people the way he wants to be dealt with.”[15]

Aḥnaf b. Qays was once asked how he had learned his knowledge. He replied, ‘From my self.’ ‘How so?’ He replied, ‘Whenever I saw something in another I disliked, I made sure not to do that same thing to another.’[16]

The Muslim is humble and modest. He does not think of himself better than others. Rather, he wants good for them and this can only come about by abandoning envy, hatred and rancour.[17] A true Muslim is generous of spirit and does not want good just for himself but also for others.[18] A Muslim is sincere to another, and advises him accordingly since he only wants the good for him.[19] A Muslim is solicitous of others and concerned about them.[20] A Muslim is aggrieved by what grieves his brothers and sisters.[21]

These characteristics of magnanimity, solicitousness and sincerity with fellow Muslims are encompassed in a hadith. Allāh’s Messenger (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said, “The example of the believers in their love, mercy and compassion for one another is like that of the body: if one of its limbs is hurting, the entire body is afflicted with sleeplessness and fever.”[22]

This ḥadīth and those previously highlighted emphasise the importance of brotherhood in Islām as the believer, to another believer, is like one soul.[23] As such, just as we make duʿā’ for ourselves and seek Allāh’s aid for our own affairs, supplicating for our brothers is important. Further to this, as Muslims we are recommended to supplicate for the guidance of a non-Muslim as well.[24]

The ḥadīth does not mean that a person who does not have this quality is devoid of faith altogether. Faith is of different levels and deeds are part and parcel of īmān.[25] However, when a person is devoid of this quality, he becomes open prey to envy.[26]

True love for our brother in Islām must go beyond mere lip service and translate into action. So where a person is able to help his brother in good, he should do so. A strong community is one that is built on love, compassion and cooperation. Although the primary focus of this lesson is on Muslims and the brotherhood of Islām, some scholars argued that the ḥadīth also applies to non-Muslims. This understanding is strengthened by the other narrations of this ḥadīth, and the other ḥadīths quoted above that just mention “people.” As such, the Muslim wants good for the non-Muslim just as he wants good for himself. For example, he would want the non-Muslim to accept Islām just as he would want the Muslim to remain on Islām.[27]

May Allāh keep the Muslim Ummah steadfast upon righteousness and guide mankind to Islām. Āmīn.


Posted by: Shaikh Abu Rumaysah Refi Shafi


[1] Bukhārī #13 from Anas

[2] Muslim #70

[3] Nasāʾī #5017

[4] Aḥmad #13875

[5] Ibn Ḥibbān #235

[6] Ṭabarānī, al-Kabīr #8154

[7] Ahmad #16653

[8] Aḥmad #22130

[9] Tirmidhī #2305

[10] Tirmidhī #2736, Ibn Mājah #1433

[11] Ibn Wahb, al-Jāmiʿ #241

[12] Ibn Rajab, Jāmiʿ al-ʿUlūm

[13] Nawawī, Sharh Muslim, Ibn Ḥajr, Fatḥ al-Bārī

[14] Kirmānī, al-Kawākib al-Darārī, Ibn Ḥajr, Fatḥ al-Bārī

[15] Muslim #1844

[16] Ibn al-Mulaqqin, al-Tawdīḥ li Sharḥ al-Jāmiʿ al-Ṣaḥīḥ, 1:512

[17] Ibn Ḥajr, ibn Rajab

[18] Ibn Rajab

[19] Ibn Rajab

[20] Ibn Rajab

[21] Ibn Rajab

[22] Muslim

[23] Ibn Mulaqqin, Sharḥ al-Arbaʿīn

[24] Nawawī, Sharḥ al-Arbaʿīn

[25] Ibn Ḥajr

[26] Nawawī, Sharḥ al-Arbaʿīn

[27] Nawawī, Sharḥ al-Arbaʿīn, Haythamī, Sharḥ al-Arbaʿīn, Shanqīṭī, Kawthar al-Maʿānī Sharḥ Bukhārī

Respect – Adab – Etiquette

An Orphan is not one who has no parents; Verily he is an orphan who is deprived of knowledge and adab (respect/etiquette).

This is an Arabic saying which very concisely describes the importance of respect in a person. Indeed, when one is deprived of respect and etiquette, one can stoop to a level that any normal human being would consider unthinkable, let alone any person with Imaan.

The Qur’an-al-Kareem and Ahadith strongly emphasise the lesson of respect. Respect for the distinguishing signs of Allah Ta’ala – aspects that are clear symbols of Deen such as the Qur’an, the Musjid, the month of Ramadhaan, etc. – is in itself a testimony of one’s Imaan. Allah Ta ‘ala declares: “And those who honour the distinguishing signs of Allah, verily it (this respect) stems from the piety of the heart” (S22:V32).


Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) also stressed the lesson of respect upon the Sahaaba (R.A.) at every occasion. A Hadith clearly proclaims: “He who does not respect the elders amongst us and is not merciful upon the young is not one of us.” Another Hadith states: “Verily it is from the dictates of the respect for Allah Ta’ala to respect a Muslim of advanced age, to respect a bearer of the Qur’an (one who has learnt the Qur’ an) who does not exceed its bounds nor does he disregard it and to respect a just ruler.” [Unfortunately many children become bearers of the Qur’an but disregard it by violating its injunctions.] Among the numerous instances of emphasising respect, some of them are: Giving preference to the one who knows more Qur’an, standing to welcome an elder, allowing the older person to speak first, etc.


While respect is an integral part of Deen, experience has proven that in any field of life only those people excelled who were respectful to their teachers and seniors. Experience has also repeatedly proven that those who are devoid of respect, despite tremendous ability and potential, were largely unsuccessful. Take just one example of an outstanding personality whose excellence was marvelled at throughout the centuries. This personality, Imaam Abu Hanifa (R.A.), like all others who excelled, was endowed with an unimaginable sense of respect. He states: “I never stretched my legs (even in the privacy of my home) in the direction of my Ustaad (Imaam Hammaad) out of respect for him, though there were seven roads between my house and his (i.e. his house was seven blocks away)!!!

Just as respect is very important, the consequences of disrespect are dire. To disregard even a grain of food or a drop of water is very detrimental. It could result in one being deprived of many bounties of Allah Ta’ala. However, the greater the bounty, the more severe are the consequences of disrespect towards it.


One of the greatest bounties of Allah Ta’ala upon us is the Qur’an-al-Kareem. The Book of Allah Ta’ala deserves the greatest honour and respect. Among the dictates of the honour and respect of the Qur’an is that the Qur’an should be learnt, it should be recited regularly and it should also be handled correctly. The Qur’an should always be kept with respect and be carried with respect. Unfortunately as the level of respect keeps falling in other aspects, the respect for the Qur’an is also being compromised. For instance many children nowadays carry their Qur’ans to school in their backpacks slung behind their backs. Smaller children have it swinging to and fro from their necks. The Qur’an is often between other storybooks or school text books as if it was also just another book! The school bag is sometimes lying on the floor with the Qur’an therein!!! May Allah Ta’ala forgive us and save us from His wrath. This treatment of the Qur’an is a far cry from the manner that even little children handled the Qur’an in the not too distant past. The Qur’an was always covered respectfully and carried close to the chest. The Qur’an left lying in a bag on the floor was unthinkable. Apart from the mishandling of the Qur’an, publications containing the name of Allah Ta’ala or Aayaats (verses) of the Qur’an are also very often found discarded without any respect. The gross disrespect to the word of Allah Ta’ala is the reason for many of our difficulties and hardships. It is necessary that we always handle the Qur’an with the greatest respect and stress the same upon our children.


Another of the symbols of Deen is the Musjid. Hence to honour the Musjid is a sign of Imaan. Various injunctions indicate the degree of the sanctity of the Musjid and to what extent it should be respected. Among these injunctions are: One in the state of Janaabat (condition of impurity which makes it compulsory to take a bath) may not enter the Musjid. All worldly talk is prohibited. Bad odours must not be brought into the Musjid. Voices must not be raised. Consider the issue of odours in the Musjid. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) is reported to have said: “The one who has eaten onions or garlic should not attend the Musjid” (until the odour has been completely removed). Thus those who walk to the door of the Musjid smoking and then enter with the offensive smell of cigarettes, severely compromise the respect and sanctity of the Musjid.

Another aspect is that of raised voices in the Musjid. It is reported in a Hadith that one of the signs of Qiyamah is that voices will be raised (in conversation) in the Musjid. While this unfortunately is common, the most serious breach of the respect of the Musjid in this regard happens after a Nikah. Scant regard is given to the house of Allah. One should be extremely careful in this regard and refrain from all worldly talk.


While respect for elders is fast decreasing in general, shocking incidents that regularly come to light indicate the level to which respect for parents has fallen. The Qur’an declares: “Do not even say to them (parents) “Oof.“ The word “oof” in the Arabic language is to denote the slightest degree of displeasure. How can it ever be permissible to talk harshly to one’s parents or to argue with them? Yet, even the unthinkable, that parents are physically abused by their children, is often reported. May Allah Ta’ala save us. Such treatment of parents is to invite calamity upon oneself.


Among the main reasons for the loss of respect is the constant exposure to Western culture through the media. The T.V., DVD’s, magazines, even comics, internet, social media, cellphones and many computer games, slowly erode the respect of our children. It is therefore necessary that we remove these influences from their lives and introduce them to the life of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam), the Sahaaba (R.A.) and the pious predecessors. If our children lose respect, Allah forbid – we too could become helpless victims of their gross disrespect. It will then be difficult to reverse the situation. We must act now. May Allah Ta’ala assist us. Aameen.