The Satanic Investment

Sayyiduna Jaabir (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) reports that Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said:

Iblees places his throne upon the water (i.e. on the ocean). Thereafter, he deputes the various units of his armies (throughout the world to misguide people). The Shaitaan who has the closest position to Iblees is the one who causes the most mischief. One Shaitaan comes to Iblees and says, “I did this and this (e.g. I prompted someone to steal, etc.).” However, Iblees replies, “You did not do anything (remarkable).” Thereafter, another shaitaan comes to Iblees and says, “I continued to make effort on a certain man until I managed to separate him from his wife (i.e. causing marital problems).” Hearing this, Iblees (becomes overjoyed,) brings him close to him, hugs him and says, “What an excellent thing you have done.” (Saheeh Muslim #7106)

From all the different wrongs that a person can become involved in, one of the wrongs that is most pleasing to Iblees is that of marital discord. The reason is that this wrong is not an isolated one – rather it unleashes in its wake a whole host of other wrongs.

When marital discord commences, the spouses generally begin to engage in gheebah (backbiting) or even slander one another. They may even betray the secrets of the spouse that was an amaanah entrusted to them. They may speak to each other in a hurtful manner or conduct with bad character.

Furthermore, the families of the spouses inevitably become entangled in this mess, also falling prey to the gheebah, slander, fighting, etc. In the case where the couple have children, they suffer from witnessing their parents fight, bicker, quarrel and hurl insults at one another. In some cases, the children then begin to fight with each other as the parents vie for their support and force them to take sides.

In essence, the single spark of wrong that Shaitaan ignites between the husband and wife soon grows into a raging inferno that consumes entire families and communities as more and more people become involved. In other words, Iblees regards this to be an ‘investment’ with tremendous returns, and it is for this reason that he finds marital discord so delightful.

Hence, we should make every effort to maintain the understanding and harmony in our marriages. At times, this may even entail overlooking the faults of others and sacrificing our rights. If we do this, we will not only save our marriages – but will save many other people from wrong as well.

If we are unable to save the marriage, then our concern should be to conduct ourselves correctly and avoid falling into the sins mentioned above as well as other similar sins.

May Allah Ta‘ala save us all from marital discord and falling into wrong.

NASEEHAT FOR MUSLIM DIVORCEES

“VERILY, NASEEHAT BENEFITS THE MU’MINEEN” QUR’AAN)
Every Muslim knows and understands that Islam is the Deen of Allah Azza Wa Jal, and that obedience to the commands and prohibitions of this Deen is imperative. It is essential that the difference between sin and rebellion be understood. While sinning against the Law of Allah Ta’ala renders the perpetrator a faasiq, he/she remains a Muslim. On the other hand, rejection of any tenet of Islam is rebellion which is kufr. Thus, the one who rejects any Law of the Shariah becomes a kaafir even if he/she does not commit it. Allah Ta’ala states in the Qur’aan Majeed:
“It is not lawful for a Mu’min (Believing man) nor for a Mu’minah (Believing woman) when Allah and His Rasool have decided an issue that they have any choice in any of their affairs.”
Allah Ta’ala also declares in the Qur’aan Shareef: “Verily, By your Rabb! They do not have Imaan until they appoint you (O Muhammad!) the judge
in their mutual disputes. Then they do not find within themselves any dissatisfaction with regard to what you have decided, and they fully (and wholeheartedly) submit (to your Ruling).”
Thus, in a dispute, the Mu’min and the Mu’minah turn to the Shariah of Allah Ta’ala, not to the secular courts for relief and resolution. These Qur’aanic verses as well as many other Aayaat and Ahaadith make it abundantly clear that rebellion or rejection of Allah’s Laws or even discontent and dissatisfaction against the Rulings of the Shariah are acts of kufr which eliminate Imaan. One who is guilty of such rejection /dissatisfaction leaves the fold of Islam and becomes a murtadd. Having understood the gravity of rejection of any Hukm of the Deen, we are directing this Naseehat in particular to Muslim divorced sisters who hasten
to enlist the aid of the kuffaar courts to extract haraam money from their ex-husbands. When a marriage breaks down and ends in divorce, the Muslim woman should understand that she is still a Muslim. The acrimony and hurt which the breakdown of the marriage has caused should not impel her to barter away her Imaan, become a murtaddah and ruin her everlasting life of success, happiness and pleasure of the Aakhirah for the sake of gaining the carrion of this world. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi
wasallam) said: “This world is carrion.” Life is short and miserable in this dunya. This world is an abode of trial and tribulation. Difficulties and misery should not be allowed to efface intelligence to cause the ruin of Imaan.
The divorcee should understand that when she proceeds to a non-Muslim court to gain custody of children, to gain maintenance and to claim half the estate of her ex-husband, she stands in open rebellion and violation of Allah’s Laws. She stands in precisely the same position and adopts the same stance as Shaitaan had adopted when Allah Ta’ala commanded the Sajdah for Hadhrat Aadam (alayhis salaam). There he stood erect among the
trillions and trillions of Malaaikah whose heads were all in prostration. The divorcee in the kuffaar court is in this shaitaani category of rebellion. She is
not only transgressing and committing a sin. By her demand that the secular court declares her Islamic marriage to be one in community of property, and that maintenance in conflict with the Shariah be fixed for her and the children, she flagrantly and rebelliously refutes and rejects the Law of Allah Ta’ala on these issues. For the sake of laying hands on ill-gotten wealth belonging to her ex-husband, she rejects Islam’s categoric laws on these issues, expels her Imaan from her heart and leaves the fold of Islam. She does so by rejecting Islamic Law and adopting Jaahiliyyah law. In this regard the Qur’aan Majeed warns:
“What! Do you search for the law of Jaahiliyyah (the law of the kuffaar)? And whose law is better than the Law of Allah for people of Imaan?” Rushing to the kuffaar court to acquire rulings in terms of the law of Jaahiliyyah and Kufr merely to lay hands on haraam money, is tantamount to kufr – such kufr which expels one from Islam.
Imaan is negated. Allah Ta’ala has ordained a Law to which all Muslims have to compulsorily submit. Refusal to submit to the Divine Law is kufr. It is essential that the divorcee who seeks the aid of the nonMuslim court for the acquisition of rulings in flagrant and violent conflict with the Shariah understands that she no longer remains a Muslim. It is also vitally important for the Muslim community to understand that the woman who
becomes murtaddah in this manner, should not be regarded as a Muslim. Nikah with her will not be valid nor will it be permissible to accord her an Islamic burial. She ceases to be an heir in the estate of her deceased parents or anyone else’s estate in which she inherits if she is a Muslim.
Another, vital consideration which should not be overlooked is the status of
such ‘Muslim’ lawyers who aid and abet such a recalcitrant divorcee to gain kufr relief from a secular court. Such lawyers too become murtadd.
The Ahkaam of Irtidaad will become applicable to them.
Muslim sisters are reminded that proceeding to court for the acquisition of rulings in conflict with the Shariah puts them fully within the scope of the
Qur’aanic ruling stated in the following aayat:
“THOSE WHO DO NOT DECIDE ACCORDING TO THAT (LAW) WHICH ALLAH HAS REVEALED, VERILY, THEY ARE INDEED T H E KAAFIROON.”
It is not intelligent to destroy the everlasting life of Pleasure in Jannat for
the decomposing carrion of this transitory worldly life. Aql demands that the bitterness and inordinate demands of the nafs be restrained and regulated within the confines of the Shariah. The trend of committing kufr and becoming murtadd by resorting to the kuffaar court to gain rulings in
diametric conflict and in negation of the Shariah is on the increase among
Muslim divorcees who see an opportunity to lay hands on the money of
their ex-husbands. They should understand what they will be ingesting
when they devour the Suht (haraam rot) which the court of Jaahiliyyah
awards them. Every second they will be under the curse (La’nat) of Allah Azza Wa Jal and His Malaaikah. For the ‘comfort’ of a miserable few short years of earthly life, it most certainly is not intelligent to sacrifice the comfort and success of the Aakhirah.
When shaitaan influences you to proceed to a court of Jaahiliyyah in search
of the hukm of Jaahiliyyah and Kufr, you should reflect and seek forgiveness from Allah Ta’ala for your recalcitrance. Imaan is the most
valuable treasure that Insaan possesses. It is an extremely delicate treasure. A ‘simple’ statement or an attitude can extinguish this treasure to bring everlasting perdition and ruin to the murtaddah. May Allah Ta’ala guide you and preserve your Imaan and the Imaan of all Muslims.
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Undergoing surgery to become impotent

Q: I am an unmarried male close to my thirties. My urges have become very extreme and sometimes out of control. My parents are not agreeing on getting me married. I am now very worried due to the fear that I might fall into the sinful act of zina due to my extreme urges. My question is that is it ok in Islam if I kill my sex drive permanently or become impotent by my own wish in order to avoid adultery?

A: It is forbidden in shariah for a male to get himself castrated or to become impotent through surgery. This is a serious crime and regarded as haraam in Islam. If you have the pressing urge to get married and you fear falling into sin, then getting married is compulsory upon you provided you have the means to get married. Hence, in this matter you do not require the permission of your parents. If you have the means to get married, then you should get married. Consult the elders of your family and ask them to find you a pious and suitable spouse.

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.

عن ابن عباس أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال لا صرورة في الإسلام (المعجم الكبير، الرقم: 11595)

جاز (خصاء البهائم) حتى الهرة وأما خصاء الآدمي فحرام (الدر المختار 6/388)

(والخصي والمجبوب والمخنث كالفحل) لقوله تعالى قل للمؤمنين يغضوا من أبصارهم وهم ذكور مؤمنون فيدخلون تحت هذا الخطاب وغيره من النصوص العامة وقالت عائشة رضي الله عنها الخصاء مثلة فلا يبيح ما كان حراما قبله وهذا لأن الخصي ذكر يشتهي ويجامع وقيل هو أشد جماعا لأن آلته لا تفتر فصار كالفحل وكذا المجبوب لأنه يشتهي ويسحق وينزل وحكمه كأحكام الرجال في كل شيء وقطع تلك الآلة كقطع عضو آخر منه فلا يبيح شيئا كان حراما (تبيين الحقائق 6/20)

Answered by:

Mufti Zakaria Makada

Checked & Approved:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)

WHEN SPOUSES CURSE – HAZRAT MAULANA YUNUS PATEL SAHEB (RAHMATULLAH ALAYH)

A husband complained that he was always angry with his wife, and they continuously argued.…

There are so many such cases: If it is not the husband complaining of his wife, it is the wife complaining of her husband.In this case, having been informed of the weaknesses of his wife, which are common to other women as well, I said: ‘I agree with you that there are weaknesses in women. However, there are also weaknesses in men. …Moreover, your anger is for worldly reasons. You are cursing your wife and inviting that same curse upon yourself.’

I then explained to him: ‘When you curse your wife on her defiance, non-compliance or her indifference to your rights, then ALLAH TA’ALA’S AZAAB descends upon her. When that punishment reaches her, she will not be the only who will suffer. As her husband, you too suffer. If she is afflicted with illness or meets up with some accident, the burden of expense falls upon you, as the husband. You will have to take care of her, and will also find difficulty in that she will not be able to see to you and the children, and the maintenance of the home, etc.

And if she has to curse you, she too will find herself in a situation of trial and difficulty. ’There are those women who have the bad habit of cursing their husbands and children – and generally this is due to impatience or frustration. Instead of turning to ALLAH TA’ALA and making Du’aa, they utter such words, which sometimes finds acceptance in the heavens, but becomes a source of great regret.It is due to this tendency of cursing and being ungrateful to spouses that RASULULLAAH (SALLALLAAHU ‘ALAYHI WASALLAM) directed WOMEN towards giving CHARITY and SEEKING FORGIVENESS.

Thus, when ALLAH TA’ALA punishes the husband or the child, then the wife or mother is left lamenting her plight. It may be that ALLAH TA’ALA accepts her curse, and in a fit of anger the husband divorces the wife, he loses his wife and children and she is left in dire circumstances as a divorcee; or it may be that ALLAH TA’ALA accepts the curse, and as such his entire business collapses. Then poverty becomes the lot of not just the husband, but also the wife who cursed, and the children. There are so many ways that curses are Divinely accepted.

ALHAMDULILLAAH, the husband explained the above to his wife and they both agreed that arguing and cursing was not the solution. Arguments are the cause of great satisfaction and joy to shaytaan, whose great effort is to destroy marriages. Arguments, in fact, indicate to shaytaan’s presence in our homes. It is the stepping stone to enmity between husband and wife, and can easily end up with divorce, a broken home and many other problems.

Who does not want a happy marriage? Who does not want Sukoon (tranquility) in marriage? However, to achieve this, some effort has to be made. We just have to train ourselves to adopt HILM (TOLERANCE) and SABR (PATIENCE) at times, and learn to curb the tendency to argue and fight – which is otherwise common even for the most petty reasons.

If we can all keep before us the following HADEETH and have YAQEEN and conviction on the words of RASULULLAAH (SALLALLAAHU ‘ALAYHI WASALLAM), many arguments would not even surface and there would be peace and tranquility:

“I guarantee a house in the middle of Paradise to the one who forsakes argument even when he is in the right.’

Appreciating the men around us

In the current exposé climate we live in, it is easy to become swept up in the furore of public outrage and condemnation. However, as reflective and forward-thinking people, we should always scrutinise a bandwagon before jumping on it.

It is frustrating to see how different problems and issues that are independent of each other become merged together. At times, it seems that we deal with injustices by being unjust. As reasonable as it is to think that not every White person is racist, not every man is sexist too. We cannot deal with racism by demonising White people, and we cannot bring greater respect for women by hating men. Sweeping generalisations do not help anyone – real equality should be in treating everyone with respect. The greater danger of this stereotyping is that it can make one lose their identity and create self-fulfilling behaviour, lowered self-esteem, and may even lead to problems in relationships and marriages. Too often, the ugly stories of evil deeds are given so much attention that we are left wondering, “Are there any good guys left?”

We all know there are issues within the Ummah. While it is important to not hide from problems that are taboo, these need to be tackled systematically rather than quick fixes or actions that may later destroy the very fabric of the nuclear family and communities at large. We can see that change is needed. Rather than accept common perceptions and norms, we need to use our own model – one that takes our history, culture, and religion into consideration. Through this, we can create our own discourse by which we can navigate and push for positive and meaningful change.

“He who does not thank the people is not thankful to Allāh.”[1]

We are living through a unique time in history, with many learning points from what is going on in this current pandemic. For example, taking all the good we have been blessed with for granted is a grave error. The UK is the world’s 6th richest country,[2] but when schools were closed, forget all the teaching time the young were missing: food collections were needed to provide food for many children in what was perhaps their only proper meal for the day! As difficult as it may have been to be stuck at home with running water, electricity, and Wi-Fi, this cannot be compared to the many trials that those around us are facing. A number of us enjoyed reconnecting with our husbands, wives, and children, even if it lasted a couple of weeks before we got on each other’s nerves! However, for some, lockdown was a sentence. There was no escape and nowhere to retreat from the violence that only escalated. The charity Women’s Aid reported that ‘67 per cent of survivors who are currently experiencing abuse said it has got worse since Covid-19 and 72 per cent said their abuser had more control over their life.’[3]

Numerous families in the UK have absent fathers. Children are having to be raised in single-parent families, and the connection between this and problems at a later age are well documented. Raising children with a father who is present – and one who cares and contributes to the children’s nurturing and tarbiyyah even if on a minimal level – is no small matter. Being safe in your own home and not fearing for your life cannot be taken for granted. Being with someone who treats you well and values you as a human and is generally a good person should not be taken for granted. It is possible to simultaneously appreciate the good while working on the bad – this is the meaning of commitment.

So, as a forward-thinking and reflective woman who uses my own discourse to understand the world around me, I need to realise that I am the result of some great men around me who ultimately gave me the safety and security to be who I am. I know this is the case for the majority of Muslim women. Many of us have had the good fortune to live with (and to have been raised by and work with) decent and honourable men. This should not be forgotten nor overlooked. Rather, we need to celebrate this and be grateful to Allāh.

Being grateful and appreciative when looking at people’s positive qualities helps us to deal with each other better and create the opportunity for growth and development. Whether we are dealing with our children, husbands, colleagues, or siblings, being grateful aids us in improving and forming better relationships.

“They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them.”[4]

The majority of Muslim men take their roles as heads of household very seriously. Many women do not worry that bills will not be paid or that their children cannot get new clothes. They deal with everyone around them with decency and uprightness. As brothers, Muslim men love and honour their mothers and sisters. As fathers, they show mercy and kindness. As husbands, they are devoted to their wives. Many work with women and know how to keep their boundaries. Our leaders and imams make great sacrifices to build communities and provide services.

“And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allāh makes therein much good.”[5]

“Let not a believing man hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one quality in her, he will be pleased with another.”[6]

I do not deny that there are bad apples amongst us and that the suffering they cause is far reaching, but I choose not to allow that to ruin the whole bunch. Sometimes, a fruit or vegetable might have a small bruise, but this can be removed and the rest of it is still of use.

We need to realise that what we imagine as the ‘perfect’ person is itself a construct of society. The problem with this mindset is that these ideals are often generated and reinforced to create false expectations. Currently, about a ‘third of the planet’s food goes to waste, often because of its looks. That’s enough to feed two billion people.’[7] None of us are perfect. What we all really want is to be able to feel that our flaws are overlooked and put into context rather than them becoming a label that we find hard to shift.

A woman’s role in creating a better society is pivotal. As Muslim women, we need to start with ourselves in moulding a positive mindset as well as being the ones to encourage this in others. We need to take active responsibility in cultivating our sons to become great men like those from our illustrious history, and we should support, encourage, and recognise the worth of our menfolk. In so doing, perhaps we can make a bandwagon of our own that suits us better.

Source: http://www.islam21c.com

Notes:

[1] Sunan Abi Dāwūd

[2] https://www.investopedia.com/insights/worlds-top-economies/

[3] https://www.womensaid.org.uk/survivors-say-domestic-abuse-is-escalating-under-lockdown/

[4] Al-Qur’ān 2:187

[5] Al-Qur’ān 4:19

[6] Sahīh Muslim

[7] https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2016/03/global-food-waste-statistics/

SEEKING A PIOUS WIFE?

“SEEKING A PIOUS WIFE?”

AN ALMOST INSURMOUNTABLE OBSTACLE

A brother writes:

Assalamu’alaykum

How does a Deeni conscious young person find a pious wife in this day and age? The following are the issues faced by many Muslim men living in the west

(A) Virtually every woman thinks it’s her right to go out and work and there is no issue with it, despite the Qur’anic injunction to the contrary? The income of that house from her earnings is therefore haraam, yet her, the husband and kids eat from that earning and then wonder why there is discord and lack of harmony.

(B) The work environment and western ideology of liberation means that a wife nowadays is more masculine than her husband in terms of her bullish mannerisms, raising her voice, laughing like a hyena, with no vestige of haya, which is supposed to be the inherent beauty of a woman. In fact, the man is rendered senseless by her increasing bravado, wondering whether he in fact married a woman or a masculine lesbian.

(C) They believe in equal rights as espoused by Western ideology which is at odds with Islam’s concept of roles and duties in society and their importance. In fact, if you explain to them the important role women play in Islam, they perceive it to be backward. Shaytan has urinated the concept of Western ideology in to their brains and they are drowning in it.

(D) Many won’t wear the niqab because either it’s a symbol of oppression or because they deceptively argue that modesty is in the clothes which one wears and, more importantly, modesty is of the heart. There was none more modest than Hadhrat Fatima (Radiallahu Anha) but apparently today’s women know better.

(E) Many “divorcees” are not even divorced in terms of Shari’ah. Either they used a kuffar court, or there is no conclusive evidence that the husband did issue divorce in the correct manner. As The Majlis has mentioned, Deen has become a mere hobby, and therefore people apply their own logic and understanding as to what is correct, without any prior knowledge of the rules.

(F) Nowadays, many a woman, makes kufr utterances weekly, if not daily. Their masculinity has led to lack of control of their mouth. Many a time we hear unthinking or dismissive statements made by them in anger which are clear cut kufr and yet they know it not and the cuckold husband doesn’t have the courage to rectify it.

(G) There is a new phenomenon in Asian communities where the woman despite getting married dictates, as per her western masters, how often she will visit her family. In fact, the time she spends with her family at the expense of the husband would suggest that the function of nikah ceases to exist.

In such fitnas mentioned above, how does a man find a wife, especially to save himself from fitna? (End of letter)

COMMENT

Just as it is almost impossible to find pious husbands in this immoral era in which immorality and kufr dominates, so too is it an almost insurmountable task to find a pious wife. Furthermore, in general it has been observed that even an immoral man hopes to marry a pious woman. This delusion is debunked by the Qur’aan Majeed which says that “khabeethaat is for khabeethoon and vice versa. An immoral man should not expect and yearn for a pious wife, and vice versa.

Marrying a woman who has lesbian tendencies will most certainly create severe problems which will ruin the marriage. All women who work in the public sector have haraam and lesbian tendencies. In fact, they are not only deficient in Imaan, they lack Imaan. They pretend to be Muslims in view of the fact of having been born in Muslim homes.

Whatever the Brother has commented regarding the women of today is 100% correct. But the very same comments apply to the males of today as well, and this includes molvis and shaikhs. Nowadays, being a molvi is not a recommendation for marriage. The molvis are not only corrupt in morals, but also either are deficient in Imaan or lack Imaan.

We are living in a cesspool of inequity. Genuine Muslims are being buffeted in a whirlpool of anarchy and mischief. Fitnah and Fasaad reign dominantly. There is no standard method or plan of finding a pious wife or a pious husband. Just make dua and continue the search in lawful ways. But remember, that as long the man / woman does not obey Allah Ta’ala, and if they indulge in all the porn filth so freely available today, they should regard the quest for a pious wife / husband to be a distant pipedream. They will just have to content themselves with khabeethoon and khabeethaat, and marriages in which shaitaaniyat will reign.

8 Muharram 1442 – 28 August 2020

Baby Showers and Bridal Showers

Q: Baby showers. Is there a fatwa that disallows it or does the Quran expressly forbid it? Please substantiate with some scholarly backing for the enlightenment of the sisters.

A: Islam is a religion that is complete and perfect in every respect and it provides a person with guidance in all spheres of his life. From the time the child is conceived till the time he is ushered into the world, and through the various stages of childhood, adolescence and old age which follow, Islam guides a person as to how he should lead his private, domestic and social life with honour and dignity. Even during happy occasions such as marriage celebrations or sad occasions like divorce or death, a person is not left to himself to decide which path he should adopt and what direction he should take. Rather, Islam guides him every step of the way and teaches him how to conduct himself when alone and when interacting with people. In essence, there is no religion that is parallel to Islam in offering direction to man and showing him the path towards success.

Allah Ta’ala has commanded us to adhere to the Mubaarak Sunnah of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) and to emulate his Mubaarak lifestyle in all dimensions of our lives. Allah Ta’ala states:

لَّقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّـهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِّمَن كَانَ يَرْجُو اللَّـهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الْآخِر ﴿الأحزاب: ٢١﴾

Indeed there is in the Messenger of Allah Ta’ala a beautiful example for the one who hopes in Allah Ta’ala and the Final Day

When we have been commanded by Allah Ta’ala and His Rasul (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) to follow the Mubaarak lifestyle of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) in order to gain salvation and success, then we need to examine whether such practices existed during the Mubaarak lifetime of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) and were practised by him and his illustrious Sahaabah (Radiyallahu Anhum). The way of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) and his illustrious Sahaabah (Radiyallahu Anhum) is the gauge to determine whether a practice is acceptable or not in the sight of Allah Ta’ala.

The occasion on which one is blessed with a child is undoubtedly one of great happiness and joy. On this occasion, people generally come to see the new born baby and offer gifts. There is no problem with this. However, to arrange a formal function or party in the manner where people are invited to come and view the new born baby is a practice that was not in vogue during the Mubaarak era of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) and the Sahaabah (Radiyallahu Anhum). Hence we understand that this practice resembles the ways of the kuffaar. Hazrat Abdullah bin Umar (Radiyallahu Anhu) reports that Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said:

عن ابن عمر قال قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم من تشبه بقوم فهو منهم (سنن أبي داود رقم 4033)

The one who emulates a people will be counted from amongst them (in the sight of Allah Ta’ala)

Furthermore, besides the various sins that generally take place such as intermingling between the sexes, making an expression of one’s gifts and doing things for show, music, photography, taking pictures of the baby, etc, a major problem found in such functions (be they baby showers, bridal showers or any other function of a similar nature) is that those who are invited to the function are expected to offer gifts to the newborn baby. Hence, those who attend feel obliged to contribute something to the occasion so that they are not regarded as miserly by others and their respect is not tarnished. One feels compelled to offer a gift even if he does not wish to give anything. This expectation of people and subtle pressure on them to bring gifts has resulted in this function becoming a sophisticated form of begging. 

Another major problem in these functions is that those who give gifts (in baby showers, bridal showers or any other function of a similar nature) expect the recipients of the gifts to return the favour by also giving them gifts when they are blessed with a child. Such an intention at the time of giving gifts goes against the very spirit and core of the Islamic teaching. There is no sincerity found in such gifting. Hence, the Qur’an has prohibited giving gifts with the hope of receiving exchanges. Allah Ta’ala states:

وَلَا تَمْنُنْ تَسْتَكْثِرُ ﴿المدثر :٦﴾

And bestow not favours so that you may receive more. 

In light of the above, it is clear that these functions are not in conformity with the Islamic spirit and Islamic teachings. Hence, one should not attend such functions.

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.

Answered by:

Mufti Zakaria Makada

Checked & Approved:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)

Everybody on His Own

By Khalid Baig
Disturbing trends in Western societies today, as also Islam’s own prescription for social security, quite clearly state that men are responsible for the affairs outside the home and the women are responsible for taking care of the home. This division is not a relic of some dark past. It is the only basis on which a healthy society has ever been built and can be built today, writes KHALID BAIG.
My own feeling is that we’ve pushed women too far,” says Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, the 80-year-old Harvard University doctor who is frequently called ‘America’s Pediatrician,’ in a recent interview in the Los Angeles Times.

“We’ve split them in two, and we have not given them back anything to support themselves on either end.” He has witnessed what forcing the women into the workforce and the breakdown of the family have done to the American children.

“I just think our country is in deep, deep trouble,” he agonizes.

Opinion leaders of all persuasions agree. Ask America’s [former] First Lady, Hillary Clinton, who considers herself a champion of women’s and children’s causes. In her 1996 book, It Takes a Village, she offers this assessment:

“… children’s potential lost to spirit-crushing poverty, children’s health lost to unaffordable care, children’s hearts lost in divorce and custody fights, children’s futures lost in an overburdened foster-care system, children’s lives lost to abuse and violence, our society lost to itself as we fail our children.”

This is a society in which, by her account:

“…homicide and suicide kill almost seven thousand children every year; one in four of all children are born to unmarried mothers, many of whom are children themselves; and 135,000 children bring guns to school each day. Children in every social stratum suffer from abuse, neglect, and preventable emotional problems.”

She also approvingly quotes:

“If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.”

It is obvious that America as a nation, has bungled this thoroughly.

Welcome to the dark side of ‘Women’s Emancipation.’ Today women are free in America. Free from the protection of a home and the support of a husband who would be responsible to provide for them. They are on their own. In turn, the children have been freed from the rigidities of the traditional home, where father and mother provide for them, take care of them, and guide them.

The children are also on their own. Just in case they do not like it, the society has been experimenting with all kinds of poultry farms – day care, they call them – to take care of them. Things have gone so wrong for so long that everyone has lost all hope that the society can rectify it completely and retrace its steps. Hillary Clinton admits:

“My personal wish, that every child have an intact, dependable family, will likely remain a wish.”

So, she is just trying to build a better poultry farm with the help of the whole village. Dr. Brazelton knows that the children need the mother at home:

“I think you are giving a gift to the child when you stay home with him as long as you can.”

However, he knows that it cannot be very long, as, to stay home, “being just a mother,” is not good enough anymore. He knows the psychological crisis faced by the stay-at-home mothers, so he pleads with everyone to do as much as they can.

Now contrast this with the U.N. edict that the women in the rest of the world, especially the Muslim world, must take up all kinds of jobs outside the home; that the goal should be their total economic independence. In other words, women must be forced outside the home so they are no longer available to take care of the children within the home. They must be “liberated” from the home, so they can enjoy the same fruits of ‘emancipation’ as the women are ‘enjoying’ in the U.S.

The destruction of the family in America, or the West in general, was not planned. It just happened as a logical result of the materialistic, hedonistic, Godless civilizational values that have gripped these societies. But the U.N. decree that the rest of the world must follow the same disastrous path, is something else. It is as if a person lost an eye to horseplay, and now wants everyone else to voluntarily have an eye removed!

It is unconscionable that we should be answering such chicanery with apologetics of the kind that normally begin with, “Islam also allows women to,” as in, “Islam also allows women to work outside the home.” Yes, it does in case of necessity, but that is beside the point. The real issue is that Islam frees a wife from the burden to provide for the family. It is solely the husband’s responsibility. In return, wife’s main responsibility is to stay home and take care of the children.

The primary field of women’s endeavor is the home, sweet home. And this has to be stated without hesitation or apology. The Qur’an says: “And stay quietly in your homes.” [Al-Ahzab, 33:33]. And the Prophet, peace be upon him, said:

“The wife is responsible for taking care of the home of her husband, and she will be accountable for those given in her charge.” [Bukhari, Muslim]

This is also the most rewarding job that anyone can think of. The Prophet, peace be upon him, assured the woman who stays home to take care of the children, that she would be with him in paradise. According to another hadith, during pregnancy and the entire period of nursing, the believing mother is like the soldier on active duty. If she dies, she gets the reward reserved for a martyr. Yet another hadith says to the women:

“Take care of the home. That is your Jihad.”

All of these clearly establish the basic division of labor between men and women according to Islam: men are responsible for the affairs outside the home and the women are responsible for taking care of the home. This division is not a relic of some dark past. It is the only basis on which a healthy society has ever been built and can be built today.

The nations that have tried to alter this natural arrangement long enough have nothing but grief and trouble to show for their efforts. And they seem to be groping in the dark, unable to undo the damage and get out of the quagmire.

Is there any sane reason that those who have the Light should follow them on the dark highway to disaster?

It’s sunnah

1. It’s sunnah to marry older women.
2. It’s sunnah to marry a divorcee.
3. It’s sunnah to marry a widow.
4. It’s sunnah to help women in household chores i.e. cooking, cleaning, washing etc.
5. It’s sunnah to put food with your hand in your wife’s mouth as an expression of love. (graded as a form of charity)
6. It’s sunnah to verbally express love, appreciation, and respect to your wife.
7. It’s sunnah to forgive her mistakes.
8. It’s sunnah to keep yourself looking pleasant for your wife.
9. It’s sunnah to try to know the feelings of your wife and console her when she needs it.
10. It’s sunnah to be playful with your wife and spend quality time having fun together. (racing, story-telling, sharing happy occasion with her are some well-known examples)
11. It’s sunnah to recline and relax in your wife’s lap.
12. It’s sunnah to call your wife with beautiful names.
13. It’s sunnah to not disclose her private matters to other family members or friends.
14. It’s sunnah to love and respect her parents.

SECOND WIFE

“Second wife! The words reverberated through my brain.
WHY ? Am I not good enough? Never! I will never accept a second wife!
If you want a second wife you can go out and get one as long as you know that I will not be here when you come back!
Those were my words to my husband a few years ago when he mentioned to me that he is intending to marry again a second time. It was a woman recently divorced, 4 children. She is having a hard time, he said, she don’t know where the next meal is coming from or how to provide adequately for her children. “Where is their father?” I asked, “Can’t he take care of his own kids? Why do you a strange man have to carry another man’s burden? Surely there are other ways that you can help her out financially without having to MARRY her!
I could not imagine myself in a plural marriage. Sharing my husband with another woman. Sharing his love, his smiles, his jokes with a woman other than myself. I could not fathom him holding her close and whispering loving words in her ears. It was unacceptable. An outrage. After all I have been to him. Wife, lover, mother, doctor, housekeeper. I raised 3 of his beautiful children. How can he insult me by marrying another woman as if I am not good enough? Not pretty enough. Not young enough or just plain not ENOUGH!
NO! I could not accept that and I vehemently made my stance clear to him. If she walks in, I walk out! Plain and simple. If he is willing to risk our marriage, our life, our children for another woman, then he must go ahead. I will not stand for it!
It all seems so many years ago now. When I thought that life would last forever and that nothing will ever change. But it did….
My husband did not get married to a second wife. After all my warnings and threats of leaving he abandoned the idea. I don’t know what happened to the women and children. My guess is that they moved on to another town.
He never mentioned a second wife again and I was happy with that. I managed to hang on to my husband but I didn’t know that our time was running out.
His last words to me were that he had a headache and is going to lie down till Isha. He never prayed the Isha salah that night, because he never woke up.
I was devastated by his sudden death. The man whom I have spent my life with, snatched away from me in a second. I mourned him for a long, long time. Neglecting my children and the business. Soon all went to waste and we started losing everything one by one. First the car then the shop, then the house.
We moved in with my brother and his family. My 3 children and I crowded the house and my sister in law soon became annoyed by our presence. I needed to get out, to work and find a place of our own instead of living off the leftovers of others. But I had no skill.
When my husband was alive we lived comfortably. I had no need to go out and work or equip myself with a skill. Life was very difficult for me and my children and I wasn’t young anymore. I missed him every day with every beat of my heart. How could one’s condition change so drastically?
One day my brother told me that someone he knew is looking for a wife. He was a good person, good akhlaq and very pious. Perfect for me, but he wants me to be his second wife.
It’s the second time in my life that the word second wife was mentioned to me. But how different the circumstances.
He came to my brother’s house to see me. There was an immediate connection between us. I liked him and I liked everything about him. He told me that his first wife knows that he is intending to marry again but that she is obviously not supportive of the idea and that he doesn’t know what her reaction will be when he tells her that he had found someone. His answer he said, will be dependent on her acceptance of Polygamy.
I started praying Istikhara that night. I so desperately wanted it to work out. I remembered so many years ago when the life of another woman depended on my decision and what my decision was. I felt contrite, I felt that because I did not give another woman a chance, a space in my life, that Allah will punish me this time around.
I repented, not once in my life did I think my action worthy of repentance because I had done nothing wrong. I only protected what was mine. Now that I am on the receiving end, I realized how wrong I was in denying another woman this PRIVILEGE of a husband. I prayed that she will accept me.
He phoned me a few days later telling me that his wife is having a hard time accepting it but that she is willing to meet me.
I was nervous the day of the meeting. I prayed a lot the day before and asked Allah to help me. When I met her, she was a person, a woman like me. A woman who loves her husband and fears losing him.
She took my hand and with tears in her eyes said: “This is very hard for me, but I hope that we can be sisters” her words broke my heart.
All I needed in these dark days was a hand reaching out to me and embracing me, giving me hope and the will to carry on. His wife was to me, the woman that I could not be and I will be forever grateful for that. I thought that no one could love her husband the way I loved mine, but she taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.
You never know a person’s situation until you are in it. Judge by what is right according to Qu’ran and you will see how Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala will send double fold of blessings your way.”
subhanAllah, no matter how many times we read this story, we are touched by the wisdom of Allah and the challenge of His slaves. May Allah cause us to be grateful slaves and never deny any of His blessings.

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