Take it in Your Stride

Every person has some idea of their ideal life in mind. Ask a child in school, and even that child will have an idea of the ideal life that he wants to lead. Likewise, even a person opening a business will have an ideal outcome projected. Generate x-amount of income in y-period, thus allowing the business to expand over z-amount of time, and so on.

A place in which everything always unfolds according to the ideal is known as a ‘Utopia’ – and it simply does not exist in this world. Rather, in this world, we will be confronted by the unexpected, surprised by the unpleasant and shocked by the horrific. In mere seconds, a plan painstakingly formulated over years of careful deliberation and pondering can be derailed and rendered useless.

It is ONLY in Jannah that everything will be ideal and perfect, and we will have no unwanted surprises.

Every person, whether consciously or subconsciously, is aware of this reality and thus learns to adapt and compromise as they proceed through life. When the businessman suffers an unexpected loss (e.g. through a certain line not selling), he learns to compensate for it through other avenues (e.g. through increasing sales of another popular product).

In essence, the businessman takes the setback in his stride and learns to do the best that he can under the circumstance. Furthermore, he learns from his mistakes and setbacks, gaining valuable experience that enables him to make better decisions in future. Thus, over time, things will eventually improve and get better.

Marriage is exactly the same. Each spouse has their ideal life mapped out ahead of them – the children, house, grandchildren and so on. However, the reality is that the bed of roses they envision also contains concealed thorns which must be anticipated.

At times, the marriage is beset by financial difficulties, or in-law issues, or misunderstandings, or disobedient children, or illness or any other similar challenge. These challenges were obviously not expected and anticipated. However, the question is how the couple will react and respond when the planned, ideal life goes awry.

An intelligent couple will learn from their mistakes and take the setback in their stride. They will understand that everything in life suffers setbacks, and so they will be determined to ‘make the best of it’ rather than give up.

If the wife upset the husband by making him late, she will learn to be on time in future, and if the husband upset his wife by not informing her that he would not be coming for lunch causing her to prepare the food and wait for him, then he will also learn to be more considerate and inform her of his plans in future. If the wife had a misunderstanding with her sister-in-law, based on something she said that was misconstrued, then she will learn to be more guarded and cautious in her speech in future.

Similarly, if the rosy marriage with the baby carriage which they had planned does not materialise as they had anticipated, they remain positive. They continue trying and turn to Allah Ta‘ala, trusting in Him to make things work out in the end.

Everything in life has hurdles and setbacks, and marriage is no different. If we continue persevering and trying to improve, insha-Allah things will eventually improve and work out.




A Sister whom Allah Ta’ala has saved by extricating her from the shaitaani clutches and traps of the sorcerers conducting ‘therapies’ under Deeni guise such as Body Talk, Aafiyah and the like, writes:


When the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency of the U.S.A.) did a study of cults and secret societies they found that ONE THING common among these cults and secret societies from Kabbalah to Hermeticism, Free Masonry to Hellenism and even the deviated sufi cults, is their obsession with activating the Pineal Gland and Opening the third eye.

The third eye (also called the mind’s eye) is a mystical and esoteric concept of a speculative invisible eye, usually depicted as located on the forehead, which provides perception beyond ordinary sight. (Wikipedia)

So HOW does one do this?

I am listing these methods because many of them are trending and being practiced my Muslims. Often promoted by coaches and those in the pop psychology and modern spirituality industry.

  • yoga
  • hypnosis
  • meditation
  • guided meditation
  • breath work/ breathing with intention
  • opening one’s Chakras
  • spinning or shaking

……………………. (End of extracts from her letter)


Iblees has harnessed these ‘therapists’ who are sorcerers and witches, into his conspiracy of converting people, especially Muslims, into Satanists. The immediate villainous consequence of these Body Talk/Aafiyah shaitaaniyat is enmity between husband and wife. The marriage completely breaks down. The Qur’aan Majeed, referring to this speciality of the Satanist sorcerers and witches, says:

“They learnt from the two (Haarut and Maarut) that which caused dissension between a man and his wife………. They learnt only that (i.e. (satanism) which harmed them, and did not benefit them.” (Al-Baqarah, Aayat 103)

Numerous Muslim women have become entrapped by Iblees into the sorcery cults practiced by the sorcerers and witches posing as ‘therapists’. We are aware of many cases of marriages breaking down as a direct consequence of wives having become ensnared in the devil’s tentacles via the agents of Iblees, the cultist ‘therapists’.

After being subjected to satanic brain washing and heart washing, the woman develops an intense hatred for her husband. This hatred is extended to other members of the family who are considered by the trapped woman to be deviates.

Muslims, especially women who have become easy prey for the villainous ‘therapists’, should beware. Do not approach near to these human devils. You will lose your Imaan and your family. Both your dunya and Aakhirah will be ruined by entanglement with the cults of Iblees.

Cults such as Body Talk and Aafiyah are HARAAM. These cults are traps of Iblees, so BEWARE!

8 Rajab 1442 – 20 February 2021

How to be an obedient wife (and why)

“If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter Paradise by whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.” – Narrated by Ahmad (1664)

The words of our Prophet, peace be upon him, are very clear. As believing women, we must obey our husbands. Indeed, this requirement is so important that the Prophet pbuh mentioned it alongside three of the most fundamental practices of Islam; i.e., the five daily prayers, fasting during Ramadan, and guarding one’s chastity.

In the world today, however, there is a general backlash against this teaching. ‘Why should wives obey husbands? Why is obedience necessary? Why can’t we have a marriage based only on equality and mutual love and respect? Why should I obey my husband, just because he is a man, and I’m a woman? Aren’t men and women equal?

In the following paragraphs, I shall attempt to answer these questions.

Why is obedience necessary?

Every institution, in order to function properly, needs a leader. You can’t have a body with two heads. You can’t have a school with two principals. You can’t have a company with two CEOs. The family is no different. When it comes to decision-making, it is best to have a single leader who has the last say on things; especially if, from time to time, decisions have to be made within a short time-frame.

The alternative is to argue endlessly: this happens when each person insists that they are right and is not willing to concede.

A family with a leader functions more efficiently than a family that doesn’t have a leader. Allah ta’ala says:

You who believe: Obey God and the Messenger, and those in authority among you.

The people in authority (husbands, parents, leaders) represent Allah’s authority; hence, we must respect and obey them.

Aren’t men and women equal?

As Muslims, when we say ‘Men and women are equal’, we mean that men and women are equal in matters related to salvation; but in other matters, Islam promotes equity, not equality. In many respects, men and women have the same rights rights. In some issues, women have more rights than men; in other issues, men have more rights than women. Of course, with more rights come more responsibilities. The Quran teaches that there is a hierarchal structure to the household,

‘Men are in charge of women’ (4:34)

Men and women are not the same. They have different physical and emotional needs. Islam acknowledges these differences.

One major psychological difference is that at their very core, men crave respect while women crave love. For women, the strongest psychological need is ‘to feel loved’: when we don’t feel loved and valued, we feel hurt. Men need to feel that others (especially, their wives) respect them. When a man doesn’t feel respected, he feels hurt and angry. When a woman respects her husband, he feels more masculine and powerful. This will make him want to take care of his wife, love her, and ensure her happiness. The more a woman respects her man, the more he will love her; and the more he loves her, the easier it becomes for her to respect and obey him.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that women don’t want to be respected, or that men don’t have a desire to be loved; but the strongest need is different for each.

When To Obey; and When Not to Obey

Being obedient doesn’t mean you always have to agree with your husband: When you disagree with him, you have every right to voice your opinion; but do so respectfully. If he insists that his decision is better, defer to his thinking. When you criticise or dismiss his ideas, (this can well happen in an argument) it’s always best to apologise; even when you know you’re right. Remember what the Prophet pbuh told a married woman:

Be mindful of how you are with him [your husband]. He is your Paradise and your hell.

(Sahih Al Jami’ 1509)

Muslim wives should follow their husbands’ leadership, except in the following circumstances:

  1. He wants you to do something that contravenes the commands of Allah ta’ala and his Messenger pbuh: One should not obey any creature, when this obedience involves disobeying the Creator; so, if your husband tells you to do something that is forbidden (for example, drinking wine) – you must not obey him.
  2. He wants you to do something that would harm you (or others) physically or emotionally. This is a basic principle of Islam, ‘La darar wa la darâr’ i.e., one should not harm oneself or others.

Being obedient doesn’t mean you should put up with abuse. It is also not a licence for husbands to abuse their wives; and act in an irresponsible and unkind manner. Love and kindness are essential components of a marriage:

Another of His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquillity: He ordained love and kindness between you. There truly are signs in this for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)

(QURAN 30:21)

Final Thoughts

We’ve been made to believe that being obedient is demeaning to women: it’s not.

Obedience is a choice. The very fact that Allah taála and His Messenger enjoin us to obey our husbands means that that it’s possible not to obey. You can make a free conscious decision to either obey or disobey your husband; when you choose to obey, you will be rewarded with Paradise. 

When you obey your husband, you show that you trust your man and put your full confidence in him. It’s a sign of love and respect. By respecting him, you also respect yourself; you’re acknowledging that you made a wise choice to marry him. You are also ultimately respecting and obeying the Creator; Allah SWT says:   

Righteous women are those who are obedient,

Guarding in secret what Allah would have them guard.

(Quran 4:34)

this post taken from:https://firdawsjannah.wordpress.com/blog/



Q. Is it permissible for a wife to take a job outside the home? Can the husband prevent her?
A. It is not permissible for the wife to take a job outside the home even with the permission
of the husband. It is not permissible for her to do any work even from home without the
permission of her husband. The maintenance is the responsibility of the husband. If he provides the maintenance, and he refuses permission for his wife to work and earn even from home, then it will not be permissible for her to undertake any job even from within the precincts of the home. The husband is under Shar’i obligation to prohibit and prevent his wife from leaving the house to work or to participate in any kind of function.

Q. My husband works in an office among females who are immodestly dressed. He says that he keeps his eyes cast down. He also says that Muslim doctors and even Ulama work with women. What is the Shariah’s law in this regard?
A. The doctors and even Ulama who do not observe proper Hijaab and who work with women are not the Shariah. Their activities and their mingling with women in their professions and occupations may not be presented as a valid basis. The only basis is the Shariah, not the practices of people even if they are great Ulama. If their practices are in conflict with the Shariah, it will remain haraam and not become halaal because they happen to be ‘great’ Ulama. It is not proper and not permissible for a Muslim male doctor to attend to female patients. He should divert them to female doctors. Only if there is a valid reason upheld by the Shariah may a male doctor attend to a female and vice versa. There are numerous non-Muslim female
doctors who can handle Muslim female patients. A Muslim doctor is not supposed to work in a hospital where he has to incumbently interact with females. Thus, their actions are not Islamic proofs for permissibility.
Your husband should himself make a sincere attempt to work elsewhere where he will not be in the company of women. He is bound to fall into the pit of zina. Shaitaan and the Nafs are deceiving him.

Q. Is it permissible to donate human milk?
A. Human breast milk is haraam. Breast milk is only halaal for under two year old infants. Donating or selling human milk or any part of the human body is haraam.

Q. Will a woman be a faasiq if she does not wear niqaab?
A. A woman who does not wear Niqaab in public is worse than a faasiqah. She is a faajirah (immoral).

Q. Will the wife be disobedient if she refuses to submit to her husband’s demand for oral sex?
A. The one who makes such a filthy satanic demand is worse than a pig. Oral or shaitaan sex is haraam. The wife should not submit to the swine-filth of the husband. She will not be disobedient. She is under Shar’i obligation to refuse the haraam instructions and haraam lusts of her husband. How can a human being who is termed Ashraful Makhluqaat (The Noblest of Creation) descend into such depths of swine-inequity?

Q. Is marriage to a Salafi girl valid?
A. Marriage with a Salafi girl is valid just as marriage with a Muslim prostitute is valid. However, such a marriage will be full of misery, hence inadvisable. There will be no compatibility and the marriage is likely
to break down and end in divorce. The Deeni differences and conflicts between Salafis and the Muqallideen of the Math-habs constitute an unbridgeable chasm.

Q. Does the period of breastfeeding differ for boys and girls?
A. The period of breastfeeding is two years for both boys and girls.

Q. My mother is extremely sick and complains a lot. What advice can I give her?
A. Be of service to her to the best of your ability. Tell her that it comes in the Hadith that sickness is a purifier. It cleanses us from all our sins provided that we do not complain. Complaining will not cure the sickness. On the contrary the sickness will become worse. Sickness is also a ni’mat (favour) of Allah Ta’ala. He purifies us here on earth with sicknesses and other difficulties so that we can enter Jannat fully purified. Advise your mother to keep her tongue constantly engaged in Thikrullaah. Maut can come at any moment. Therefore, the tongue should always be engaged in some Thikr to ensure departure from this dunya with
the Kalimah on the tongue.

Q. Is imitation jewellery permissible?
A. Imitation jewellery is permissible for women except rings. Rings must be of either gold or silver.

Q. Is it proper for a man to marry a second wife only for the sake of his lust?
A. Allah Ta’ala permits a man to marry four women. As far as ‘lust’ is concerned, everyone marries to satisfy his/her lust. The primary motive for marrying even one wife is to gratify lust. Initially people marry only to satisfy lust even if only one wife is taken. Allah Ta’ala has created lust in people, hence He is aware that men require more than one wife to satisfy their lust lawfully. Never voice yourself against any Law of Allah Ta’ala. Recite Istighfaar and make Taubah.

Q. Why is it not permissible for women to attend walimahs. During the time of Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam), they would go to walimahs.
A. Just as it is not permissible for women to attend the Musjid even if there are separate entrances, so too is it forbidden for women to attend ‘walimahs’ nowadays. Furthermore, the ‘walimahs’ nowadays are farcical and bid’ah. In fact, it is not permissible for even men to attend the reception organized by the girl’s parents on the day of the Nikah. Such a reception is not the walimah. Women used to attend the Musjid for Salaat during the age of Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam). However, this was unanimously banned later by the Sahaabah.
The same applies to walimahs and to all other merrymaking functions.

Q. How many holes may a lady pierce in her ears?
A. A lady may pierce her ears only with one hole in each ear. More than one is the style of the kuffaar.

Q. My husband has cheated on me. He has struck up adulterous relationships. My heart is broken. I don’t know what to do. My health is suffering. I want to run away. Please give me some advice.
A. Countless women are undergoing the same heart-breaking problems. When men lack Taqwa, they conduct themselves like atheists. They really do not believe that Allah Ta’ala is seeing them and that the Recording
Angels are writing their misdeeds. However, do understand well that your broken heart is a wonderful treasure by Allah Ta’ala. Allah Ta’ala, in His Own Words, said to Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam):
“I am with every broken heart.” Your grief will not be in vain. You will receive immense rewards for patiently bearing the grief. Focus more on Allah Ta’ala. Do not ruin your health on account of the shenanigans of your husband. Maintain your health and use it to gain nearness to Allah Ta’ala. Increase ibaadat. Life on earth is short. It is full of trials. May Allah Ta’ala grant you strength and steadfastness on the Deen. May Allah Ta’ala guide your husband and protect you.

Q. A man has two wives. The one wife lives with him while the other wife lives in her own house about 100 kilometres away. This wife demands equal nights. What is the Shariah’s rule?
A. In the scenario mentioned by you, if the wife who lives 100 kilometres away desires equal nights, then she has to reside in a house procured for her by her husband in the town where he lives. She cannot demand equal nights living in her own house 100 km from her husband.

Q. I do not allow my children to visit their grandparents – my parents and my wife’s parents.
They have televisions, and in general they do not observe the rules of the Shariah such as purdah, mushtabah / haraam food, etc. They are accusing me of breaking family ties. Am I breaking family ties?
A. In fact, it is not permissible to send your children to relatives who are not strict on the Deen. Refraining from sending the children does not mean that you are severing family ties. It is the Waajib obligation of parents to ensure that the Akhlaaq of their children are not compromised by relatives. Nowadays, the safest is to stay at home, and not to visit even relatives. We are trapped in an era of fitnah and fasaad. A home where the Deen is observed is a holy sanctuary visited by the Malaaikah of Rahmat. On the other hand, houses such as the homes of your parents are haunts for the shayaateen. These people lack the haziest idea of the meaning of family ties and what constitutes disruption of breaking of family ties. Furthermore, it is haraam to uphold
‘family ties’ when in conflict with the Shariah.

Q. Is there a special thikr or amal for anxiety and depression? When my evil past comes to mind, I develop anxiety and go into depression.
A. When anxiety develops, do not brood on the past. Do not entertain the thought which is the cause for the anxiety. Instead, lapse into Thikrullah. Perform two raka’ts Nafl and engage in Thikrullah. Shaitaan tries to derail a person by causing anxiety in this manner. A Mu’min equipped with the weapon of Thikr does not suffer depression. Anxiety is an assault of shaitaan, and its antidote is Thikrullah. Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Shaitaan sits glued on the heart of man. When he (man) makes thikr, shaitaan
flees. When he (man) is oblivious (ghaafil), shaitaan casts his waswasah.”

Q. I have found out that my husband is conducting relationships with women via his cell phone. He refuses to give me the password. What should I do?
A. 99% of the men of this age, including molvis and sheikhs, are involved in cellphone zina and pornography. There is nothing you will be able to do in these circumstances. Men and women are drowning in deluges of moral filth – zina and porno – of the cellphone. Little children are also addicted to this device of shaitaan. The
entire Ummah across the board, is buffeted madly in this whirlpool of cellphone filth. People no longer have Imaan. They have become atheists. They are in entirety bereft of any concept of Allah’s Omnipresence. They
have become munaafiqs. Whilst they blabber with their mouths about the Recording Angels, they sin flagrantly in front of these Malaaikah and with Allah Ta’ala looking at them. But since they do not really believe in the Presence of Allah Ta’ala and His Malaaikah, they sin recklessly. You can only constantly offer good advice to your husband and adopt Sabr. If you are unable to bear his evil abuse with patience then your marriage will end. Thus, your choice is between Sabr and Talaaq.
Q. The separation between a husband and wife was in terms of Khula’. Is it correct that the Iddat of this woman is 30 days?
A. The Iddat of a woman whether separated by Talaaq or Khula is the same. It is three haidh periods if not pregnant. If pregnant, it ends with the delivery of the child.


“Your response to my question on civil divorce and talaaq has generated much discussion and debate. However, some scholars still insist that the fatwa of the local Mufti is correct (that is, a court’s decree of divorce is a valid Talaaq according to the Shariah). They proffer the following arguments:

  1. As the husband is asking the court to issue him a divorce, his intention is inconsequential.
  2. Although the defenders of the fatwa cannot escape the reality that a non-Muslim judge has no wilaayat over a Muslim, for the purpose of fatwa, they argue, the judge has to be divested of his position and duties as a judge, and be treated as an ordinary person who is being appointed a wakeel by the petitioner. And since the wikaalat of a non-Muslim is acceptable, the divorce issued by him is also valid. A further piece of sophisticated incoherence they employ is to argue that a wakeel does not have to know that he has been appointed as wakeel while he may be acting as one.
    There seems to be much confusion among the scholars who agree that a civil divorce results in talaaq. In
    the US, the position adopted is that a talaaq raj’i comes into effect, whereas in the UK the ruling is for a talaaq baa-in.
    Reliance on this ruling is causing considerable heartache to Muslims in the UK. Women are walking away from their marriages using the fatwa as justification. Innocent men are accused of ‘living in sin’ simply
    because they have ended their legal marriage registration. I would appreciate further comments and advice on the matter. (The initial question was discussed in The Majlis, Vol.19 No.2)
    It is truly surprising that Ulama fail to grasp the simple reality of a secular court’s divorce decree not being a Shar’i Talaaq. The arguments they are proffering are like an attempt to squeeze blood from a stone.
    (1) The argument that “in divorce matters the spoken word or written word takes precedence over any interpretation the speaker or writer may attach to his words” has absolutely no relevance to the issue
    of a husband seeking annulment of the legal registration of his marriage. The argument
    presented here pertains to Talaaq, while the court application pertains to an entirely different matter. It does not relate to Talaaq. It pertains to cancellation of a secular registration by a secular court. Thus the
    argument is fallacious because what is being said applies to Talaaq while the application to court does not remotely relate to Talaaq.
    (2) The argument of Wikaalat (Agency) in this context is obnoxious and downright stupid. Neither does the husband appoint the judge to be his Wakeel nor does the judge accept that he is a Wakeel of the husband nor does he issue verdicts in the capacity of a wakeel of anyone,.
    (3) The judge cannot be treated as an ordinary person who has been appointed a wakeel.
    To imagine that the judge sitting in his court as a judicial official executing his judicial obligation is not a judge but an ordinary man who has been appointed the wakeel by a man who denies having appointed
    him the wakeel, is to defy reason, logic, brains and reality. If this type of corrupt and utterly baseless imagination could be regarded as valid for the extrapolation of Ahkaam (Shar’i laws), then one may employ such corrupt, stupid and baatil imagination to imagine that a prostitute is one’s wife and the
    relationship with her is lawful. There is no scope in the Shariah for the formulation of laws on the basis of imagination.
    (4) The petitioner denies appointing the judge as his wakeel. Reality totally precludes the operation of Wikaalat in the judicial procedure. And, if by some bizarre assumption it should be stupidly accepted that the judge is a wakeel, then too, the husband denies appointing him as his wakeel, and he denies the assignment of Talaaq to the judge who is imagined to be the wakeel. There must necessarily be some semblance of reality before one could ever entertain the idea of Wikaalat.
    (5) While the wikaalat of a non -Muslim is valid, the issue here is that a non-Muslim has not been appointed the wakeel. No one has been appointed the husband’s wakeel for issuing Talaaq on his behalf. Should we momentarily descend into the dregs of stupidity and assume that the judge is the husband’s wakeel, then too, it is binding on the wakeel to execute only the task which has been assigned to him by his Muakkil (principal). If a man appoints a wakeel to purchase for him a horse, the wakeel may not buy a donkey. If he
    does buy a donkey, it will be for himself, not for the muakkil. Now, if we should stupidly accept that the judge is the wakeel, then he has to act according to the instructions of the husband who has ordered
    him to cancel the secular registration of his marriage. If the wakeel who has not been appointed to administer Talaaq, issues talaaq to the man’s wife, such talaaq will not be valid. If a man appoints another person to strike his wife a few shots with a whip, and he (the wakeel) instead of giving her a beating issues Talaaq, such talaaq will not be valid for the simple reason that he did not act in accordance with the terms of his wikaalat.
    (6) The averment that a wakeel’s act will be valid even if he is unaware of his appointment as the wakeel, has no relevance here. The contention applies to an instance of ‘appointment’. But, in the matter under discussion there is no appointment. The husband flatly denies any appointment of a wakeel. This argument
    germane to our context is ludicrous. It is absurd.
    (7) The confusion among the scholars on this simple issue is the product of unprincipled reasoning. The matter is simple and conspicuous. There is no ambiguity. But because they have not applied their minds,
    they stumble in incongruities. The scenario is as simple as follows:
    A. The husband wants, for example, that after his death his estate should devolve to his heirs according to the Shariah. In a secular state he has to leave an Islamic Will to ensure conformity with the Shariah. However, in certain secular marital property regimes, an Islamic will is not valid. Or he requires cancellation of the secular registration for some other reason.
    B. To achieve this objective, he instructs an attorney to apply to the secular court for the cancellation of the
    registration. For accomplishing this, there is a secular legal procedure to follow. The attorney adopts this legal procedure, and makes the application to the court.
    C. The judge in his own right as the judge of the court decides and issues an order to cancel the registration.
    Now regardless of what the secular process is for achieving this objective, it is never Talaaq. The husband has not uttered Talaaq to his wife nor has he appointed the attorney or the judge to administer Talaaq
    to his wife. He only requires cancellation of the haraam registration.
    (8) Women who regard the kaafir court’s verdict as a Talaaq should understand that their Nikah remains valid. They cannot get Islamically married to any other man. Any subsequent mock ‘nikah’ with
    another man will be an adulterous relationship. It is therefore, imperative for the Muftis at your end to exercise caution and fear. They will be plunging people into the cauldron of zina with their highly erroneous fatwa.
    Furthermore, we do not understand how “women are walking away from their marriages, using the fatwa as justification”. Although the fatwa is highly erroneous and has no validity in the Shariah, as preposterous as it is, it nevertheless, has been issued for a case where the husband makes the application for cancellation of the registration. The fatwa does not bring within its scope a court’s decree of divorce applied for by a woman. If the wife makes the application, we are sure that the Muftis at your end, despite their inability to have comprehended the judge’s role and the husband’s petition, do not extend their
    idea to a case where the woman applies for ‘divorce’ regardless of whether the husband defends or does not defend the application. Thus, the issue of ‘women walking away from their marriages’ is incomprehensible to us.

The Satanic Investment

Sayyiduna Jaabir (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) reports that Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said:

Iblees places his throne upon the water (i.e. on the ocean). Thereafter, he deputes the various units of his armies (throughout the world to misguide people). The Shaitaan who has the closest position to Iblees is the one who causes the most mischief. One Shaitaan comes to Iblees and says, “I did this and this (e.g. I prompted someone to steal, etc.).” However, Iblees replies, “You did not do anything (remarkable).” Thereafter, another shaitaan comes to Iblees and says, “I continued to make effort on a certain man until I managed to separate him from his wife (i.e. causing marital problems).” Hearing this, Iblees (becomes overjoyed,) brings him close to him, hugs him and says, “What an excellent thing you have done.” (Saheeh Muslim #7106)

From all the different wrongs that a person can become involved in, one of the wrongs that is most pleasing to Iblees is that of marital discord. The reason is that this wrong is not an isolated one – rather it unleashes in its wake a whole host of other wrongs.

When marital discord commences, the spouses generally begin to engage in gheebah (backbiting) or even slander one another. They may even betray the secrets of the spouse that was an amaanah entrusted to them. They may speak to each other in a hurtful manner or conduct with bad character.

Furthermore, the families of the spouses inevitably become entangled in this mess, also falling prey to the gheebah, slander, fighting, etc. In the case where the couple have children, they suffer from witnessing their parents fight, bicker, quarrel and hurl insults at one another. In some cases, the children then begin to fight with each other as the parents vie for their support and force them to take sides.

In essence, the single spark of wrong that Shaitaan ignites between the husband and wife soon grows into a raging inferno that consumes entire families and communities as more and more people become involved. In other words, Iblees regards this to be an ‘investment’ with tremendous returns, and it is for this reason that he finds marital discord so delightful.

Hence, we should make every effort to maintain the understanding and harmony in our marriages. At times, this may even entail overlooking the faults of others and sacrificing our rights. If we do this, we will not only save our marriages – but will save many other people from wrong as well.

If we are unable to save the marriage, then our concern should be to conduct ourselves correctly and avoid falling into the sins mentioned above as well as other similar sins.

May Allah Ta‘ala save us all from marital discord and falling into wrong.


Every Muslim knows and understands that Islam is the Deen of Allah Azza Wa Jal, and that obedience to the commands and prohibitions of this Deen is imperative. It is essential that the difference between sin and rebellion be understood. While sinning against the Law of Allah Ta’ala renders the perpetrator a faasiq, he/she remains a Muslim. On the other hand, rejection of any tenet of Islam is rebellion which is kufr. Thus, the one who rejects any Law of the Shariah becomes a kaafir even if he/she does not commit it. Allah Ta’ala states in the Qur’aan Majeed:
“It is not lawful for a Mu’min (Believing man) nor for a Mu’minah (Believing woman) when Allah and His Rasool have decided an issue that they have any choice in any of their affairs.”
Allah Ta’ala also declares in the Qur’aan Shareef: “Verily, By your Rabb! They do not have Imaan until they appoint you (O Muhammad!) the judge
in their mutual disputes. Then they do not find within themselves any dissatisfaction with regard to what you have decided, and they fully (and wholeheartedly) submit (to your Ruling).”
Thus, in a dispute, the Mu’min and the Mu’minah turn to the Shariah of Allah Ta’ala, not to the secular courts for relief and resolution. These Qur’aanic verses as well as many other Aayaat and Ahaadith make it abundantly clear that rebellion or rejection of Allah’s Laws or even discontent and dissatisfaction against the Rulings of the Shariah are acts of kufr which eliminate Imaan. One who is guilty of such rejection /dissatisfaction leaves the fold of Islam and becomes a murtadd. Having understood the gravity of rejection of any Hukm of the Deen, we are directing this Naseehat in particular to Muslim divorced sisters who hasten
to enlist the aid of the kuffaar courts to extract haraam money from their ex-husbands. When a marriage breaks down and ends in divorce, the Muslim woman should understand that she is still a Muslim. The acrimony and hurt which the breakdown of the marriage has caused should not impel her to barter away her Imaan, become a murtaddah and ruin her everlasting life of success, happiness and pleasure of the Aakhirah for the sake of gaining the carrion of this world. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi
wasallam) said: “This world is carrion.” Life is short and miserable in this dunya. This world is an abode of trial and tribulation. Difficulties and misery should not be allowed to efface intelligence to cause the ruin of Imaan.
The divorcee should understand that when she proceeds to a non-Muslim court to gain custody of children, to gain maintenance and to claim half the estate of her ex-husband, she stands in open rebellion and violation of Allah’s Laws. She stands in precisely the same position and adopts the same stance as Shaitaan had adopted when Allah Ta’ala commanded the Sajdah for Hadhrat Aadam (alayhis salaam). There he stood erect among the
trillions and trillions of Malaaikah whose heads were all in prostration. The divorcee in the kuffaar court is in this shaitaani category of rebellion. She is
not only transgressing and committing a sin. By her demand that the secular court declares her Islamic marriage to be one in community of property, and that maintenance in conflict with the Shariah be fixed for her and the children, she flagrantly and rebelliously refutes and rejects the Law of Allah Ta’ala on these issues. For the sake of laying hands on ill-gotten wealth belonging to her ex-husband, she rejects Islam’s categoric laws on these issues, expels her Imaan from her heart and leaves the fold of Islam. She does so by rejecting Islamic Law and adopting Jaahiliyyah law. In this regard the Qur’aan Majeed warns:
“What! Do you search for the law of Jaahiliyyah (the law of the kuffaar)? And whose law is better than the Law of Allah for people of Imaan?” Rushing to the kuffaar court to acquire rulings in terms of the law of Jaahiliyyah and Kufr merely to lay hands on haraam money, is tantamount to kufr – such kufr which expels one from Islam.
Imaan is negated. Allah Ta’ala has ordained a Law to which all Muslims have to compulsorily submit. Refusal to submit to the Divine Law is kufr. It is essential that the divorcee who seeks the aid of the nonMuslim court for the acquisition of rulings in flagrant and violent conflict with the Shariah understands that she no longer remains a Muslim. It is also vitally important for the Muslim community to understand that the woman who
becomes murtaddah in this manner, should not be regarded as a Muslim. Nikah with her will not be valid nor will it be permissible to accord her an Islamic burial. She ceases to be an heir in the estate of her deceased parents or anyone else’s estate in which she inherits if she is a Muslim.
Another, vital consideration which should not be overlooked is the status of
such ‘Muslim’ lawyers who aid and abet such a recalcitrant divorcee to gain kufr relief from a secular court. Such lawyers too become murtadd.
The Ahkaam of Irtidaad will become applicable to them.
Muslim sisters are reminded that proceeding to court for the acquisition of rulings in conflict with the Shariah puts them fully within the scope of the
Qur’aanic ruling stated in the following aayat:
It is not intelligent to destroy the everlasting life of Pleasure in Jannat for
the decomposing carrion of this transitory worldly life. Aql demands that the bitterness and inordinate demands of the nafs be restrained and regulated within the confines of the Shariah. The trend of committing kufr and becoming murtadd by resorting to the kuffaar court to gain rulings in
diametric conflict and in negation of the Shariah is on the increase among
Muslim divorcees who see an opportunity to lay hands on the money of
their ex-husbands. They should understand what they will be ingesting
when they devour the Suht (haraam rot) which the court of Jaahiliyyah
awards them. Every second they will be under the curse (La’nat) of Allah Azza Wa Jal and His Malaaikah. For the ‘comfort’ of a miserable few short years of earthly life, it most certainly is not intelligent to sacrifice the comfort and success of the Aakhirah.
When shaitaan influences you to proceed to a court of Jaahiliyyah in search
of the hukm of Jaahiliyyah and Kufr, you should reflect and seek forgiveness from Allah Ta’ala for your recalcitrance. Imaan is the most
valuable treasure that Insaan possesses. It is an extremely delicate treasure. A ‘simple’ statement or an attitude can extinguish this treasure to bring everlasting perdition and ruin to the murtaddah. May Allah Ta’ala guide you and preserve your Imaan and the Imaan of all Muslims.

Undergoing surgery to become impotent

Q: I am an unmarried male close to my thirties. My urges have become very extreme and sometimes out of control. My parents are not agreeing on getting me married. I am now very worried due to the fear that I might fall into the sinful act of zina due to my extreme urges. My question is that is it ok in Islam if I kill my sex drive permanently or become impotent by my own wish in order to avoid adultery?

A: It is forbidden in shariah for a male to get himself castrated or to become impotent through surgery. This is a serious crime and regarded as haraam in Islam. If you have the pressing urge to get married and you fear falling into sin, then getting married is compulsory upon you provided you have the means to get married. Hence, in this matter you do not require the permission of your parents. If you have the means to get married, then you should get married. Consult the elders of your family and ask them to find you a pious and suitable spouse.

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.

عن ابن عباس أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال لا صرورة في الإسلام (المعجم الكبير، الرقم: 11595)

جاز (خصاء البهائم) حتى الهرة وأما خصاء الآدمي فحرام (الدر المختار 6/388)

(والخصي والمجبوب والمخنث كالفحل) لقوله تعالى قل للمؤمنين يغضوا من أبصارهم وهم ذكور مؤمنون فيدخلون تحت هذا الخطاب وغيره من النصوص العامة وقالت عائشة رضي الله عنها الخصاء مثلة فلا يبيح ما كان حراما قبله وهذا لأن الخصي ذكر يشتهي ويجامع وقيل هو أشد جماعا لأن آلته لا تفتر فصار كالفحل وكذا المجبوب لأنه يشتهي ويسحق وينزل وحكمه كأحكام الرجال في كل شيء وقطع تلك الآلة كقطع عضو آخر منه فلا يبيح شيئا كان حراما (تبيين الحقائق 6/20)

Answered by:

Mufti Zakaria Makada

Checked & Approved:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)


A husband complained that he was always angry with his wife, and they continuously argued.…

There are so many such cases: If it is not the husband complaining of his wife, it is the wife complaining of her husband.In this case, having been informed of the weaknesses of his wife, which are common to other women as well, I said: ‘I agree with you that there are weaknesses in women. However, there are also weaknesses in men. …Moreover, your anger is for worldly reasons. You are cursing your wife and inviting that same curse upon yourself.’

I then explained to him: ‘When you curse your wife on her defiance, non-compliance or her indifference to your rights, then ALLAH TA’ALA’S AZAAB descends upon her. When that punishment reaches her, she will not be the only who will suffer. As her husband, you too suffer. If she is afflicted with illness or meets up with some accident, the burden of expense falls upon you, as the husband. You will have to take care of her, and will also find difficulty in that she will not be able to see to you and the children, and the maintenance of the home, etc.

And if she has to curse you, she too will find herself in a situation of trial and difficulty. ’There are those women who have the bad habit of cursing their husbands and children – and generally this is due to impatience or frustration. Instead of turning to ALLAH TA’ALA and making Du’aa, they utter such words, which sometimes finds acceptance in the heavens, but becomes a source of great regret.It is due to this tendency of cursing and being ungrateful to spouses that RASULULLAAH (SALLALLAAHU ‘ALAYHI WASALLAM) directed WOMEN towards giving CHARITY and SEEKING FORGIVENESS.

Thus, when ALLAH TA’ALA punishes the husband or the child, then the wife or mother is left lamenting her plight. It may be that ALLAH TA’ALA accepts her curse, and in a fit of anger the husband divorces the wife, he loses his wife and children and she is left in dire circumstances as a divorcee; or it may be that ALLAH TA’ALA accepts the curse, and as such his entire business collapses. Then poverty becomes the lot of not just the husband, but also the wife who cursed, and the children. There are so many ways that curses are Divinely accepted.

ALHAMDULILLAAH, the husband explained the above to his wife and they both agreed that arguing and cursing was not the solution. Arguments are the cause of great satisfaction and joy to shaytaan, whose great effort is to destroy marriages. Arguments, in fact, indicate to shaytaan’s presence in our homes. It is the stepping stone to enmity between husband and wife, and can easily end up with divorce, a broken home and many other problems.

Who does not want a happy marriage? Who does not want Sukoon (tranquility) in marriage? However, to achieve this, some effort has to be made. We just have to train ourselves to adopt HILM (TOLERANCE) and SABR (PATIENCE) at times, and learn to curb the tendency to argue and fight – which is otherwise common even for the most petty reasons.

If we can all keep before us the following HADEETH and have YAQEEN and conviction on the words of RASULULLAAH (SALLALLAAHU ‘ALAYHI WASALLAM), many arguments would not even surface and there would be peace and tranquility:

“I guarantee a house in the middle of Paradise to the one who forsakes argument even when he is in the right.’

Appreciating the men around us

In the current exposé climate we live in, it is easy to become swept up in the furore of public outrage and condemnation. However, as reflective and forward-thinking people, we should always scrutinise a bandwagon before jumping on it.

It is frustrating to see how different problems and issues that are independent of each other become merged together. At times, it seems that we deal with injustices by being unjust. As reasonable as it is to think that not every White person is racist, not every man is sexist too. We cannot deal with racism by demonising White people, and we cannot bring greater respect for women by hating men. Sweeping generalisations do not help anyone – real equality should be in treating everyone with respect. The greater danger of this stereotyping is that it can make one lose their identity and create self-fulfilling behaviour, lowered self-esteem, and may even lead to problems in relationships and marriages. Too often, the ugly stories of evil deeds are given so much attention that we are left wondering, “Are there any good guys left?”

We all know there are issues within the Ummah. While it is important to not hide from problems that are taboo, these need to be tackled systematically rather than quick fixes or actions that may later destroy the very fabric of the nuclear family and communities at large. We can see that change is needed. Rather than accept common perceptions and norms, we need to use our own model – one that takes our history, culture, and religion into consideration. Through this, we can create our own discourse by which we can navigate and push for positive and meaningful change.

“He who does not thank the people is not thankful to Allāh.”[1]

We are living through a unique time in history, with many learning points from what is going on in this current pandemic. For example, taking all the good we have been blessed with for granted is a grave error. The UK is the world’s 6th richest country,[2] but when schools were closed, forget all the teaching time the young were missing: food collections were needed to provide food for many children in what was perhaps their only proper meal for the day! As difficult as it may have been to be stuck at home with running water, electricity, and Wi-Fi, this cannot be compared to the many trials that those around us are facing. A number of us enjoyed reconnecting with our husbands, wives, and children, even if it lasted a couple of weeks before we got on each other’s nerves! However, for some, lockdown was a sentence. There was no escape and nowhere to retreat from the violence that only escalated. The charity Women’s Aid reported that ‘67 per cent of survivors who are currently experiencing abuse said it has got worse since Covid-19 and 72 per cent said their abuser had more control over their life.’[3]

Numerous families in the UK have absent fathers. Children are having to be raised in single-parent families, and the connection between this and problems at a later age are well documented. Raising children with a father who is present – and one who cares and contributes to the children’s nurturing and tarbiyyah even if on a minimal level – is no small matter. Being safe in your own home and not fearing for your life cannot be taken for granted. Being with someone who treats you well and values you as a human and is generally a good person should not be taken for granted. It is possible to simultaneously appreciate the good while working on the bad – this is the meaning of commitment.

So, as a forward-thinking and reflective woman who uses my own discourse to understand the world around me, I need to realise that I am the result of some great men around me who ultimately gave me the safety and security to be who I am. I know this is the case for the majority of Muslim women. Many of us have had the good fortune to live with (and to have been raised by and work with) decent and honourable men. This should not be forgotten nor overlooked. Rather, we need to celebrate this and be grateful to Allāh.

Being grateful and appreciative when looking at people’s positive qualities helps us to deal with each other better and create the opportunity for growth and development. Whether we are dealing with our children, husbands, colleagues, or siblings, being grateful aids us in improving and forming better relationships.

“They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them.”[4]

The majority of Muslim men take their roles as heads of household very seriously. Many women do not worry that bills will not be paid or that their children cannot get new clothes. They deal with everyone around them with decency and uprightness. As brothers, Muslim men love and honour their mothers and sisters. As fathers, they show mercy and kindness. As husbands, they are devoted to their wives. Many work with women and know how to keep their boundaries. Our leaders and imams make great sacrifices to build communities and provide services.

“And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allāh makes therein much good.”[5]

“Let not a believing man hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one quality in her, he will be pleased with another.”[6]

I do not deny that there are bad apples amongst us and that the suffering they cause is far reaching, but I choose not to allow that to ruin the whole bunch. Sometimes, a fruit or vegetable might have a small bruise, but this can be removed and the rest of it is still of use.

We need to realise that what we imagine as the ‘perfect’ person is itself a construct of society. The problem with this mindset is that these ideals are often generated and reinforced to create false expectations. Currently, about a ‘third of the planet’s food goes to waste, often because of its looks. That’s enough to feed two billion people.’[7] None of us are perfect. What we all really want is to be able to feel that our flaws are overlooked and put into context rather than them becoming a label that we find hard to shift.

A woman’s role in creating a better society is pivotal. As Muslim women, we need to start with ourselves in moulding a positive mindset as well as being the ones to encourage this in others. We need to take active responsibility in cultivating our sons to become great men like those from our illustrious history, and we should support, encourage, and recognise the worth of our menfolk. In so doing, perhaps we can make a bandwagon of our own that suits us better.

Source: http://www.islam21c.com


[1] Sunan Abi Dāwūd

[2] https://www.investopedia.com/insights/worlds-top-economies/

[3] https://www.womensaid.org.uk/survivors-say-domestic-abuse-is-escalating-under-lockdown/

[4] Al-Qur’ān 2:187

[5] Al-Qur’ān 4:19

[6] Sahīh Muslim

[7] https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2016/03/global-food-waste-statistics/