Marital Problems

FROM THE MAJLIS

Posted on Sun 3 October 2010
Question

I WOULD LIKE YOUR ADVISE ON A QUESTION THAT IS TROUBLING MY MIND.I AM MARRIED FOR 14 YEARS AND HAVE THREE KIDS,I CAME INTO THE DEEN BY MARRIAGE AND TOOK IT UPON MYSELF TO BECOME MORE EDUCATED ABOUT ISLAM BECAUSE MY HUSBAND AND FAMILY HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS ISLAM ABOUT.I HAVE BEEN FOR HUJJ AND THEN FOR UMRAH AND READ MY NAMAAZ 5 TIMES A DAY. UNFORTUNATELY THOUGH WHEN MY HUSBAND STARTED TO EDUCATE HIMSELF IT ALL WENT A/Y. HE SAYS HE LOVES ME AND BECAUSE OF EVERYTHING HE WAS BLESSED WITH WOULD LIKE TO TAKE 3 MORE WIVES. HE ADMITS THERES NO FAULT WITH ME AND IM IN HIJAB ALL THE TIME.
WHEN WE MET HE HAD NOTHING NOR DID I BUT I HAVE WORKED VERY HARD IN THE BUSINESS WHILE HE USED TO DO ALL THINGS-WRONG-EVERY THING AGAINST ISLAM BUT TODAY HE SAYS THAT THE WEALTH IS HIS BLESSING AND NOTHING THAT IVE ACHIEVED IS MINES.
HE SAYS ME THE NASTIEST THINGS AND RETURNS TO ME AT NIGHT.
IS ISLAM ONLY FOR MEN DOES HE HAVE TO USE MY HARD WORK AND HARD EARNED MONEY THAT IVE BEEN BLESSED WITH.
HE REFUSES ME A THALAAQ BECAUSE IM CANT SHARE A HUSBAND.
ITS NOT HOW I GREW UP WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD ON ME,ITS LIKE SLAVERY

PLS SEND ME YOUR THOUGHTS
JAZAAKALLAH

ANSWER
ASSALAMU ALAIKUM 19 Muharram 1431 (6-01-2010)

It is essential to understand that the Shariah (Allah’s Law) is one thing, and your husband’s actions are something else. Many women appear to confuse the two issues. If the husband is unjust and fails to fulfil his marital obligations, the wife lacking in sound Islamic knowledge invariably equates her husband’s misdeeds with Islam. It is precisely for this reason that you ask: “Is Islam only for men??” This questions displays your lack of understanding of Islam. If a wife is unfaithful to her husband and commits sins, you will not find the husband asking: “Is Islam only for women??”

You and us all do commit sins. If you commit a sin will it be proper to infer that Islam teaches you to sin? You should reflect deeply because the question which you have asked is exceptionally grave in that it is a sign of great deficiency in Islamic beliefs.

The second issue which you should understand is that Islam does permit a man up to four wives. This is Allah’s Law. Any Muslim who refutes this confirmed law of the Shariah does so at the peril of his/her Imaan.

We cannot comment on the ownership of the wealth you and your husband possess. We do not know what the initial arrangement/agreement was between the two of you. If you explain in detail how the business was structured and what agreement existed, then we shall refer the matter to the Ulama to obtain the Shariah’s Ruling.

Surely you are intelligent enough to understand that Islam does not teach your husband to say ‘the nastiest things’ to you. It is therefore highly improper to ask: ‘Is Islam only for men.’ It conveys the impression that you believe that Islam allows your husband to say ‘the nastiest things’ to you.

Even if you are averse to your husband taking another wife, you must be careful of falling into the trap of jeopardizing your Imaan by rejecting the Law of Allah Ta’ala. If you cannot accept your husband taking another wife, then while understanding and accepting that it is permissible for him, you may ask him to divorce you. Initially he may not be inclined to divorce you. But if you persist in your request and ask some seniors to persuade him, then he will ultimately relent. Also remember, that you as a Muslim should react intelligently and with dignity in this matter. If your marriage must end, let it be amicably in the way Islam teaches.

May Allah Ta’ala guide and protect you.

Was-salaam

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