Marital Dynamics in Islam: Obedience Towards the Husband

By Umm Khalid -June 26, 2022

If you are a woman who dislikes the idea that a wife should follow and obey her husband, my question to you is this:
Do you dislike it because you dislike the entire concept of obedience and followership in general; and because you believe that a woman’s role in the family should be one of independence and leadership? (So you dislike the very concept of hierarchy in any form and believe only in an egalitarian marriage.)
Simply put, do you feel that you shouldn’t have to follow or obey anyone?
Do you agree with the idea of obedience towards, and following of, the husband? And is it that you don’t think a specific husband should be obeyed or followed if he’s unable to lead due to incompetence? (So you essentially agree with traditional roles within a marriage and believe the husband should be the leader, and you do not want an egalitarian marriage.)
In basic terms, do you feel fine about following the lead of a husband if he is a strong, upright and competent man?
State your position in the comments along with your reasoning. Keep the discussion respectful and civil, please! We are all believers in Allah and the Last Day.
RELATED: In Islam, Husbands Are Leaders. Wives Must Follow
The word “obedient” has become extremely misunderstood and stigmatized. This is to the extent that, whenever the term is mentioned, it has become necessary to define it even for our fellow Muslims والله المستعان.
I didn’t make this word up folks.
It’s not “cultural bias” or “the patriarchy” or “misogyny” either.
RELATED: The False Teachings of the Feminist Dogma
We find this in the Qur’an and ahadith:
فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ…
“…so righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard…” (Surat An-Nisa’, 34)
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قِيلَ لِرَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَىُّ النِّسَاءِ خَيْرٌ قَالَ ‏ “‏ الَّتِي تَسُرُّهُ إِذَا نَظَرَ وَتُطِيعُهُ إِذَا أَمَرَ وَلاَ تُخَالِفُهُ فِي نَفْسِهَا وَمَالِهَا بِمَا يَكْرَهُ.
Abu Hurayrah narrates that it was said to the Messenger of Allah : ‘Which woman is best?’
He said: ‘The one who makes him happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands her, and she does not go against his wishes with regard to herself nor her wealth.’”
Of course, we must clarify and make it very clear that there is no obedience to a created being wherein disobedience to the Creator is entailed.
لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالق
لا طَاعَةَ في مَعْصِيَةٍ، إنَّما الطَّاعَةُ في المَعروفِ.
NOTE: To further understand the limitations and guidelines on what obedience to the husband entails, please read the following: Are Wives Responsible for Housework in Islam?

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